This is my answer to the facebook meme!
I couldn't figure out how to do it there- so here it is.
Chronologically.
1. When I was a kid I used to get strep throat alot (in sharp contrast to my current well known immunological superiority.) So I took a lot of antibiotics, mostly Tetracycline. It made my adult teeth come in dark yellow. They were hideous. Of all the fucked up shit in my childhood, walking around with yellow teeth for 10 years (I finally got them capped at 18) ranks surprisingly high in "Traumatic Events" category.
2. Shit, I'm already getting stumped. Everything before college is depressing White Trash family crap and everything after is boring.
3. I have an acute aversion to physical intimacy of any kind. Everything from hugs to rim jobs. It's all equally distasteful.
Only a select few people are exempted.
4. I have climbed Mt. Rainier and Mt. Baker (see, boring.) I don't know how I did it. The whole time up, I was worried about going down. The whole time going down, I was worried about dying. Favorite climbing quote, "I climb because it feels so good when it's over."
Word.
5. I am a hypochondriac with an ever-present preoccupation with my own death.
I have at least one life threatening condition per year. Congestive heart disease (this is real, this is happening now), breast cancer (twice), Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (I got better!) and a chronic brain tumor (this has been acting up since my trip to Utah, the end is near.) My doctor always prescribes ibuprofen.
6. Fuck, twenty-five? Really?
7. The best job I've ever had was detailing yachts. During the week, I could sit on the deck when I was finished cleaning with a Mojito and pretend I was rich. I had a tan, too. The "Jimmy Buffett" lifestyle.
8. I am going to have to start making up stuff.
9. I actually kind of like my job now. Even though it's sort of blue collar and redundant, it's nice to be a small part of the team trying to save someone's life. I don't feel like a hero- just that I'm doing my best for someone and their family, like I hope someone will do for me if I'm in trouble. It's really better than washing some rich asshole's boat.
10. I live in a 1965 Airstream travel trailer. I love it. I bought it from the original owner several years ago. He and his wife were in their eighties and had a hard time traveling then so he sold it to me at a cheaper price cos he could tell I would really cherish it. He started crying when I drove it away and I kinda did too.
11. Man, I need to get out more cos this is damn hard. I'm freaking 38 (or is it 39) years old and I'm struggling with this!
12. My BF is named Stefan. He's Swedish. I don't know why he likes me so much. Maybe Swedish people just like to suffer. Maybe he puts up with me cos I enable his chocolate addiction.
13. I have a
really bad temper. (I know, this is obvious, but hey.) Inanimate objects are usually the focus of my explosions but the threat of physical violence to a person is certainly not out of the question.
I have an alarming number of "funny" stories about items I've destroyed in a fit of anger, including a beloved watch I beat to death on a steering wheel
while driving on 520 cos I thought it was beeping for no reason. (Turned out it was a timer that had gotten stuck under my seat!)
14.
Tango is my favorite restaurant. My favorite thing on the menu is a seared fois gras. I haven't gotten it in a while cos my BF is morally opposed to fois gras. He is a softy for animals, you know the type. So we usually get my second favorite thing- El Diablo. A square of soft chocolate with Cinnamon and toasted hazelnuts on a bed of marshmallow goo.
15. My favorite music is the worst of the worst. Stuff you are supposed to grow out of after you graduate high school and move on to more sophisticated music.
I'm talking about Country (love me some George Strait) hip hop/rap ("bitches want me to fuck 'em! True, true.") and pop (I'm looking at you Justin Timberlake.)
16. Seriously. I'm tapped out. Sad.
17. My favoritest thing right now is watching mixed martial arts. Specifically UFC.
The
Ultimate Fighting Championship, if ya don't know! Muscular, sweaty men in tight shorts trying to kill each other. I don't know why it's not more popular.
18. I've done 2 marathons, 4 cycling double centuries (STP, baby) and 4 regular centuries. (Now, I've resorted to bragging. Ugh.) I never finish any of these with good times, I just finish. "I finish things, that's what I do." (Clint Eastwood style.)
19. I'm chubby. I've been chubby since I was 12 and I'll always be chubby. And I will always bitch about it. No matter how many times people ask me not too. At least it helps me float. Drowning is not something I worry about.
20. My sister is named Michelle and she lives in SF. She is four years older but looks four years younger. We have absolutely nothing in common! Polar opposites. Always have been, it's crazy. But we love each other alot and have each other's back. We have an unbreakable bond forged by tough times. We are both close to our Mom too! I wouldn't trade them for anything!
21. I like going to the gym. I love repetitive tasks! The more monotonous the better. I say this is because I have a rich inner life.
22. I pass slow times at work by perusing America's Most Wanted. com and reading about scheduled executions and true crime stories. I can't get enough of that crap for some reason. I tried to have prison pen pals but turns out the most interesting thing about murderers is that they have killed someone. Aside from that, they are usually stupid and boring.
23. Twenty-three is the new twenty-five I'm thinking.
24. I'm an Apple person and I hate hate hate PC's! Ugh!
My favorite personal possessions are my Macbook, my iPhone, my shuffle, and my snowboard. Too bad Apple doesn't make snowboards. I settled for an Arbor.
25. Twenty-five! Thank you, Jesus!
(I'm not religous. I just like saying that.)
