Why?

I got a notice from Cingular that I was eligible for an upgrade.
I needed to talk about my bill anyway, so like a sheep, I went in to get a new phone. So I spend $200 (before $100 rebate) and what do I get? The same fucking phone ... without the cool ringtone. Fuck. And it will be beat up just like the last one in a few months. I'm so fucking stupid. It has an mp3 player. So what? I've got an Ipod and a shuffle. And now I'm poverty stricken again until I get paid. I NEED a sonicare, not a phone.

Lead in the water. I am convinced it's lead in the water what makes everyone so stupid. I distinctly remember being smart a long time ago. Now I'm just a stupid fuck like everyone else. Wandering around with my head up my ass buying phones I don't need while my gums rot away. Great.

Big Haps this weekend

The Western Regional ASHI conference runs Friday & Saturday. I could be going to the Prosser barrel tasting with the cool kids but, oh no, I'm gonna stay here and larn me some histocompatibility. Vendors are already here buying us pizza and handing out pens that light up. Maybe someone will offer to take us to Tango. I can dream.

Even more exciting (drumroll) THE NFL DRAFT!

Best pic for my money- Jamarcus. Forget that he's hot and he's from the SEC (like a whole bunch of NFL players, ahem), he has a fucking rocket launcher for an arm. If Oakland pulled their head out of their ass and picked J.R. and Robert Gallery started living up to the hype, the Raiders could be scary next year.

This may come back to haunt me but my prediction for Brady Quinn is as follows:
OV-ER-RAT-ED! (in sing song.) I bet Cleveland gets saddled with this assclown. Him and Charlie Frye can be bookends.

My laptop will be an appendage this weekend to see how it all works out.

2.58

Out of 5.
That's my score on the Authentic Happiness Inventory.
No surprise. But where did that 0.8 come from?

Take the test here here.
Disclaimer: you have to register.
They rate your happiness based on race, gender, zip code, etc...
Branson, MO is apparently the happiest zip code. Is happiness linked with self-awareness?

My greatest strength is my love of learning. Funny I thought it would be the standing calf raise! Har, har, har.

As you may have guessed, another slow day curing cancer. I guess the bright side of that is obvious.

"I feel like we're in a Noel Coward play.

Someone should be making martinis."

That describes hanging out out Joe and Roberta's.
I just didn't remember it yesterday.
Free martini (or beer, losers) to anyone who knows where that quote is from.
No goggling! (Hint: It's on my favorite movies list.)

Even bigger hint.
Yale: You know we have to stop seeing each other, don't you.
Mary Wilke: Oh, yeah. Right. Right. I understand. I could tell by the sound of your voice on the phone. Very authoritative, y'know. Like the pope, or the computer in 2001.

A not so big hint- but funny.
Mary Wilke: I'm honest, whaddya want? I say what's on my mind and, if you can't take it, well then fuck off!
Isaac Davis: And I like the way you express yourself too, y'know, it's pithy yet degenerate. You get many dates?
(What does pithy mean exactly?)

A big sign that I'm feeling uninspired when I revert to spewing movie quotes.
I'm a little tired from yesterday (see training log.) Welcome to Steve's world. One day of overtraining and I need a vacation.

I have four weeks of vacation saved up as of today.
Chuck thinks I should just take some.
I say I can't afford to go anywhere.
He says just take some anyway.
I say being at work is like vacation kind of. Except when it isn't.
But staying at home for a few days watching movies and reading magazines sounds fun.
I could clean up my filthy trailer.
I save vacation like I should save money.
My ass hurts (see training log.)

The Wrap Up

Sunday. Still raining. We elect to forgo wet, cold rock and head back to Seattle. Roberta, of coarse, insist on making breakfast again. Pancakes, sausage, cereal, cake, fruit, coffee, juice...
"Is there anything else I can get you girls?" - Roberta
"A wheelchair." -Me

I am almost relived to leave. I am running out of different ways to express my profound apprieciation.

We go to the airport to rent a car and I make a big deal on the way about how I don't mind driving. Spring and Shelly are more than happy about this. Only I forget my drivers license in Mike's car when we go into the airport. So I have to frantically find Mike. I run up to the counter with my license. It's fucking expired! And people wonder why I'm so self-deprecating. Or maybe they don't anymore.

During the ride, I make a big deal about the huckleberry milk shakes and sweet potato fries at Burgerville. Spring and Shelly get excited. We finally find a Burgerville. Huckleberry milkshakes and sweet potato fries aren't in season. Fuck! Idiot!

We eat our consolation burgers on the way cos we are trying to get to Tacoma in time to see Tao in the final of his badminton tournament. We navigate the maze that is Tacoma and find the tournament and Tao and his partner reward us with an nail biting win. Shelly gets busted for flash photography but I don't think it will go on her permanent record.

Indecision 2007

Our plan was to wake up around 7 and be at Smith around 8:30.

About 6, I can hear busy busy noises from the kitchen. Roberta is making us breakfast. I get up to assist. This assistance takes the form of drinking coffee. She makes pancakes. She supervises Joe making sausage. We have fresh blackberries and rasberries. They make Spring an egg in leiu of sausage. Everyone has a glass of orange juice.

It's 7:30 and we're ready to go. Only, it's raining at Smith and it's 35 degrees. What to do? We lounge on the leather sofas and toss around ideas. Roberta fetches us magazines. I watch guys playing golf out of the front window. We finally decide to meet Iona and her crew at the Deschutes Brewery for lunch.
"Call us before you come home so we can have dinner ready."- Roberta.
"Count on it!"- Us


Iona's crew is hardcore. We are going climbing.
Everyone gets in at least a few pitches even though the conditions are well below optimal. I make myself do it to work up an appetite. Everyone else geniunely seems to enjoy themselves. Most even lead pitches. Including Mike, who insists not only that Spring belay him, but that she do it with a gri gri. He thinks we find this annoying. Maybe some do but, again, I completely understand. Moments later, I offer to clean the pitch so we can leave, borrow Shelly's personal anchor intstead of spending an extra two minutes getting mine, then get to the top and chicken out. I have to be lowered and reclimb 5 gallon buckets for the umpteeth time with my own setup. Lame.

We rush back to Bend where Joe and Roberta have prepared ribs!... and some other stuff. Each thing requiring a separate plate. It's so complicated, even Shelly gets confused. I realized I should have waited to take a shower until after dinner as I am now covered in BBQ sauce.

Joe has rented "Casino Royal" for us and is excited to put it on. So he does and immediately goes to bed?! I last maybe 15 minutes (three pitches have never been so exhausting), everyone else lasts another 20, maybe.

Empathy- Part 1

1500 hours- Friday 4/20/07

I have finished a day's work. Packed. Brief workout. Harassed Shelly. Travelled to the Eastgate P&R. All before three. If I managed to be this efficient even 50% of the time, I could knit beanies in my spare time and be rich. Not that I would cos I'm too lazy.

At the Eastgate P&R, I meet Shelly, Spring, and Mike. Mike is new to me. He insist on going to Smith via the Portland route. That's the way he always goes and he's driving. I am not annoyed but I know from experience (an experience I have just related to him) that I'm in for a long ride. I'm not annoyed cos I can tell immediately he has absolutely no control over this impulse. This is not just stubbornness (ala Josh), this is something painfully familiar to me. I empathize completely.

Eight hours and one Mongolian BBQ later, we arrive at Mike parents house in Bend. And a very strange weekend begins to unfold.

Mike's parents have stayed up to greet us. A delightful couple. Roberta has made carrot cake- from scratch. Even though it is 11 pm, we eat. Then go to bed.

FH- Part 2

-Nothing amiss. And I retrieved my computer. So now I do have something to do at work.
Blog.

-This weekend's activities has put me even further behind, postwise. Just what I need- something else to be compulsive about.

-Luciano introduced himself last night. I foolishly allowed myself to be caught outside while putting away my gear. I nearly always duck in as someone passes, but yet another toothless wonder surprised me trying to remember the combination to my box lock. He asked me what year my airstream was... three times. He asked to peak inside, which I idiotically agreed to. He has an airstream too. And he wanted to discuss. His is a 2005 which he paid $54k last year. I personally would have spent some of that money on say... teeth and a razor but that's just me. He noticed my snowboard and my bike and mentioned them. I may have to install a security system. When I went home to check my crib, he was wandering around wearing a Tupac t-shirt and basketball shorts and a backwards baseball cap. Luciano is around 60. He's white. He looks homeless. I hope I'm not the pot calling the kettle black here but I think he's a fucking freak! His presence in the park unerves me.

Fucking Hell- Part 1

I have nothing to do today. Nothing.

I just took a 45 minute shower. Heaven.

Someone called for me in Cell Processing. When I got there and said hello, the person hung up. Is someone checking up on me? Are they taking shit from my trailer while I sit here typing?!
Why would they have someone come get me and then hang up?....

I'll be right back.

I know you're popular...

...but you gonna be famous today.

Spring and Shelly. The popular girls. Fun, interesting, nice, high achievers.
The ones that get gunned down first. It's more tragic that way.

But not Wednesday. Wednesday most of the gang got together to celebrate their birthday.



And eat pizza.


And eat cake.
No injures reported.

We had a fantastic waitress. She tried to help me from ruining the cake with my shoddy candles. It did remain edible. Chocolate makes everything taste good, even wax.
Nathan had a gallon of coke (soda); the rest of us got drunk. Annie is a born again drinker after being forced into sobriety for TWO MONTHS on the boat.
A noticeable shudder went through the crowd when she described the horror (except Nathan, of course.)
The pizza was Stellar (naturally.) Who would have thunk of putting potatoes on a pizza?! Not I. A bit of a purist, I stuck with the Beanie. Extra cheese, extra pepperoni, extra sauce. I'm such an American. Meat, cheese, sauce, extra-extra-extra-now-now-now!

Radical Authenticity- Part 1

Some kook (sp) here at the SCCA sent out a group e-mail encouraging us all to wear maroon and orange on Friday to show our support for Va. Tech. (This is the same kook who hasn't given us Serology folks our prize for winning the door decorating contest from CHRISTMAS!)
Maroon? Orange? At the same time?
Are they kidding?

I know what you're thinking. "Just when I think you are the most shallow person I have ever met, you drain a little more out of the pool."
Well, I'll beat you to it. I'm emotionally shallow and perpetually self-absorbed.
And it's a good thing. I ride up the elevator with several personal tragedies a day.
My time will come- it's just a matter of how horrific or totally random it will be. That's about the only thing I know for certain.
Well that and maroon and orange do not match!


The treacherous instrument is in thy hand,
Unbated and envenom'd:
The foul practice hath turn'd itself on me.
Lo, here I lie, never to rise again.
The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit.
The rest is silence.

There.
There is your tribute.
I'll be wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, just like always.

Pizza Pizza Pizza

Pathetic.
It's only 10:30 and I'm already beside myself with excitement about pizza at 7!
I'm just way too food motivated.
Of course, this is a secondary concern to celebrating Spring and Shelly's birthday and seeing my friends.... a very close second.
Pepperoni, tomato and mushroom, combo??? what will I have?!

Nevermind that the two plus hours I just spent at the gym will be wiped out. Welcome to my fatass carousel. (It's all muscle, ask anyone.)



I don't think I'm alone. I've already gotten a few emails about this evening. They all pertain to some other aspect of the event, but I know what they're really thinking about. Beer and Italian sausage!

I'm a post whore- Part 1

-It is a source of anxiety for me that this month's post count is < the # of days in this month so far.

-This translates into higher [] of boring B.S.

-I had a dream last night that I was trying to get to Baker to go snowboarding but things kept hindering me. I couldn't find the way. I stopped at a gas station and the hose came off the pump and poured out all over an RV and some guy. I dealt with that and then suddenly found myself in the Mt. Baker winery (???) drinking out of a bottle of champaign and then trying to convince the saleslady that I had brought it in with me, still trying to get directions from other patrons.
You know, I long ago came to terms with the fact that I'm not very bright and have little to no imagination- but I hate to have it thrown in my face like this. Even my dreams are literal/transparent/predictable. (Gas and a lack of direction are indeed, standing in my way of multiple trips to Baker (for those of you with an even greater handicap than my own!) So I just drink and become belligerent to keep busy.)

-I really need a new Sonicare. I want the new one with two speeds and two brush heads even though I know, without a doubt, that I will only ever use one of each.

-I'm having to work all day today (besides now) and I resent the hell out of it. I feel so blue collar when I actually earn my money.

-Better not blow my wad on this post. Still four more to go.

4/14/07-The end. (Probably)

"If I am going to be drowned, if I am going to be drowned, if I am going to be drowned, then why in the name of the seven mad gods who rule the sea was I allowed to come thus far and contemplate sand and trees. Was I brought here merely to have my nose dragged away as I was about to nibble the sacred cheese of life? If that old ninny woman Fate cannot do better than this, then she should be deprived of the management of men's fortunes."

I am feeling melodramatically melancholy about the end of ski season.
But it has indeed arrived. The above photo is the last documentation of our 2006-2007 campaign. It's had it's ups and downs but earns high marks overall.

Notes:
1- I managed to resist the urging of Josh to accompany him to 7th heaven. This is unusual. He can usually talk me into anything and I can't ever talk him into nothing (yes, I know that is grammatically incorrect!) So I unwittingly gave him some comeuppance. I was able to do this since I had my own agenda. Which leads me to...
2-I had the most spectacular crash of the season at 3pm of the last day of the season! Fuck. I was supposed to go out in a blaze of glory by fearlessly rocketing down a double black diamond chute onto the terrain park. Instead, I chickened out like a bitch and had an "America's funniest home videos" crash for everyone on the Brooks chair lift to see. And I twisted my knee. Damn.
3-I almost got into a fight for Josh and he didn't even care.
4-I (not Steve) got the last run of the day. But only by inadvertently tricking him.


Oh well, nothing grilled steaks and garlic mashers can't cure. This was supposed to be Shelly's birthday dinner but we ate too much junk the night before and had to postpone. There are no pic's of this feast cos it disappeared too fast. Then we played another game of Clue and I paid attention this time and made lots of notes and still didn't come anywhere close to winning (Josh did.) Jenga, coffee and cake, more "ALIAS". Discussion about "ALIAS". Discussion about Jennifer Garners weight.
Steamroll and accidental kick to the $14k nose and then Mom sent us to bed.

We'll be back!

Friday the 13th

"Leave, I was going to say leave all that.
What matter who's speaking, someone said what matter who's speaking.
Who taught me all I know? In the old wander years, I deduced it all from nature. I know it's not me, but it's too late now, too late to deny it, the knowledge is there, the bits and scraps, flickering on and off, turn about, winking on the storm, in league to fool me. Leave it and go...."

Shelly turned 30 on Friday the 13th.
Her reaction: "Relieved."
Samuel Beckett would have been 101.
His reaction: "..."

Shelly, Sue, Steve (the now infamous three S's) and your humble author disregarded superstition outright and went to Steven's Pass for the super disco season ending, twenties ending blowout. (Josh, sadly, was stuck, once again, making air travel more efficient and we thank him for that.) Variable spring conditions, as expected. Sue and Steve shenanigans, as expected.

Rain and good sense drove the chicas to the lodge at 3:30 where we patiently waited for Steve and got drunk. Then we went to the cabin and waited for Josh...and got drunker. We played Clue twice and I can't really tell you who won either round. (Is it Rev. Green or Mr. Green? And what the hell happened to Ms. Scarlet and the candlestick?) I, for one, found it too tedious and we switched to watching "ALIAS" and drinking more and eating more. Finally!, Josh arrived and we could eat dinner. The rest is a blur of cake, Jenga, and Jennifer Garner's abs.

Poll

Olga just pointed out to me that I've been using the wrong "coarse/course" when I write "of course".

She thinks this has not been pointed out to me previously due to fear.
I told her that is ridiculous, it has just been overlooked this far.
Comments?

Ok, I was wrong and partially wrong....

I told Nathan the other day that irregardless is absolutely not a word.

Main Entry: ir·re·gard·less
Pronunciation: "ir-i-'gärd-l&s
Function: adverb
Etymology: probably blend of irrespective and regardless
nonstandard : REGARDLESS
usage Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that "there is no such word." There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead.

I was half-right.
I told Chuck yesterday that perpetuity was absolutely some thing he made up. Like shittery.

Main Entry: per·pe·tu·i·ty
Pronunciation: "p&r-p&-'tü-&-tE, -'tyü-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -ties
Etymology: Middle English perpetuite, from Anglo-French perpetuité, from Latin perpetuitat-, perpetuitas, from perpetuus
1 : ETERNITY 2
2 : the quality or state of being perpetual
3 a : the condition of an estate limited so that it will not take effect or vest within the period fixed by law b : an estate so limited
4 : an annuity payable forever

Long story short.... don't listen to me.

Happy B-day Spring

spring
Originally uploaded by iamawakec.

Shout out to Spring on her Birthday.
We'll be 30 someday, girl!
Party.

ANTM Predictions- Part 1

I hate to say it but I think Jael's number is up. I liked her at first but she's getting a little cocky. She's also acting more fucked up than usual. Some people might think getting pushed into the pool by 50 cent is cool but I just don't think it looks good. Second choice is Brittany. She's really not that pretty to begin with and that weave is out of control. Of coarse I'm going out on a limb here. My insticts may lead me in a new direction when the show starts.

As far as who is going to win it all- who the fuck knows. But I'm sticking with my intial pick- Natasha (the used car salesman of models.) She's really beautiful and would literally kill someone to win. I liked her alot more after she made her own grill out of foil. That's just fucking pimp!

Fuck Yeah!

I got no reason to be "Fuck Yeah"ing. I just wanted to say that. Wanted to have a reason to say "Fuck Yeah!"

But I don't. I'm doing PRA's at work which I fucking hate and I'm crampy. And I want some cheese and crackers and I don't have any. So really all I should be saying is "fuck." Sigh. I have the largest bottle of Ibuprofen they make at home. I also have a triple cream brie and nice zin, too. But that's at least two hours away.
And I'm fat and I don't feel like going to the gym. Whah.

I know what you're thinking.
"Whatever you do, bitch. Cos that's what I like to hear."
Well fuck you, you fucking fuck. It's not my fucking job to entertain you.
Watch the news if you want- some kid drowns in a flower pot, another is beaten to hell by their father.
You'll be back.
Beyotch.

End of Days- Easter

Steven's Pass is open exactly one more week.
Bleh. That probably means my boarding season is very nearly over.
(Someone please please please please go to Whistler with me!!!)
It's been a good one though. New board, new rockstar outfit, new mad skillz.
Nothing extraordinary like a resurrection yesterday but it was a fine day of Spring skiing.

I bribed Sue into leaving early with a breakfast sandwich so Steve and I could buy our passes and get his earphones installed (nothing was easy about those fucking earpads) and still get to our fresh spring corduroy.

Burgers and dogs and a nice voigner at lunch (for the fun people, the unfun person had a bagel and bean burrito.) The fun people leisurely enjoyed a pleasant afternoon on the deck making predictions about the dummy downhill race while the unfun person ducked out to set some "runs in a day" record.

I spent the rest of the afternoon catching serious air (at least three feet) in the park. At 3:30 it started to rain, though, and I retreated to the lodge with the rest of the reasonable people. Sue and I had cocktails while waiting for Spanky to close the lifts down. Goofball- dripping and smiling. "What's wrong with people?", I think for the billionth time. We leave. We make it home alive. My subpar week has ended on a high note. (Or is Sunday the beginning of a good week!?) Hmm. Either way, things are looking up.

Sue and I get KFC and watched "Marie Antionette". It's not a bad movie and not a good movie. I learned that Louis 16th was a terrible lover. That's it. I can't believe so many people went through so much trouble to make it. But the KFC ROCKED.

Catch Up

I was so busy this week being freaked out and upset over nothing that I have not been updating on life in progress.
I can't even talk about it it's so upsetting and it, of coarse, involves extraordinarily stupid people intentionally making my life difficult. I'm also embarrassed that I actually lost sleep over how stupid and lazy these people are which makes me not so bright either. Well anyway, said matter is resolved and I'm moving on until the inevitable opportunity arises where I can be stupid and unhelpful and thereby extract my revenge.
Moving on.



Tuesday, Marc and Olga and I skipped out of work early (Sup's gone!) and went to early happy hour at Elliot's. They have oysters at 50 cents a piece starting at 3 and then they go up 20 cents every half hour until 6. It's alot of math so just get there at 3 like we did and order five dozen. Marc thought this might be excessive but Olga and I wondered if it would be enough. The couple next to us (that's two people) got a ginormous tray with SEVEN dozen. Fuck.
With the rolls and gin & tonics/beers, we managed and stumbled out satisfied. O & M went home to their young one and I walked back to the truck via Vivace.

"There's always room for desert!"

Now I'm stuffed but not as drunk. And now it's time to meet Steve at VW for climbing. I heard the other day that a woman got a DUI riding a horse! Seriously. Can you do anything while you're drunk?! Did I violate any laws on the evening in question? Should I be writing this down. I'm suddenly realizing why I didn't climb so well.

I have a chance to redeem myself today since we are going climbing after checking out the Burton sample sale to buy things we won't be able to enjoy until November if we're lucky. Exercises in delayed gratification, I'm told, are good for you..... like revenge.

I'm serious

"A good indignation brings out all one's powers."

"Hatred is by far the longest pleasure; Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure."

". . . from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee."

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

“You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

"I love the way you love, but I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back”

"I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me."

Just to reiterate...

I hate people. Really really really really hate hate hate hate people.
They are the worst.

Keep it under your hat

Fun with Youtube.
I think I accidentally left "Slacker" off my top twenty list.
This is my favorite scene. "Just because your paranoid..."

The Nightmare

Wow.
I never tire of watching this. And now I've learned how to share it with you. Isn't that special?
(In case you don't know what to look for, keep an eye out for Karo's tooth rocketing out of his mouth when Diego "The Nightmare" Sanchez's knee connects with his face. And Karo actually thought he got robbed when Diego won a unanimous decision. I love men.

Hopefully, an even more gruesome vid of Diego permanently disabling Josh Koscheck will appear on this blog April 8th. Diego may be a retarded, self-centered Jesus freak but Kos takes being a tool to whole new levels. It would be best if he doesn't breed. War Diego.