Some Thugs at the Pass

Off the plane and headed to the slopes, like any jetsetting hipsters these days.
Arrived at Steven's at exactly 3:01 to make some ruckus under the lights.
It freaking snowed all night and kept filling in the tracks.
Blowing like crazy, especially up on Tye Mill- the chair lift would really go sideways at the top. This, strangely, made Spanky giddy. It just made me more of a menace getting off the lift- I stopped even trying not to fall eventually, just launched and splat.

Made a few runs then took a brief respite to fortify ourselves with Don Julio.





This left me feeling a little cocky, as usual, so I immediately went blazing down Brooks face first into a hole. Steve went right past me w/o even looking my way.
Tested to see if I could move my legs first, fearing the worst. Check. Not paralyzed this time.
Then wiped a drop of blood from under my nose and a tear from my eyes and carried on.
Came into the chairlift whining loudly to make Spanky feel like shit for leaving me there to die!

Slowed me down a bit. But didn't quite convince me that drinking and snowboarding don't mix cos we headed back in for dinner and more Don Julio. Split a Tye Mill burger to help absorb the alcohol.
Bartender announced that they were closing westbound Hwy 2 for avalanche control so we might want to leave or get stuck.
FUCK THAT BULLSHIT! We're closing this bitch down. That's how we roll.

My Man!

When I picked Steve and Bruce up from the airport coming home from Mexico, I tried to embarrass them by showing up with my bling and a grill made from a Hershey's Almond Kiss wrapper (it even had tiny almonds on it!)

Steve got me back Saturday. But he one-upped me by having a real grill with diamonds! And a brand new OR jacket (after mugging Sue for a her prized 40% off coupon.)
Sweet! Totally pimp! I'm sure more than a few people wondered if Eminem was picking his bitch up from SeaTac. Except the Jeep, for all its virtues, is no Escalade. And I ain't no hoochie.

And another thing, goddamnit!

I don't know if you got a brain or not.
If you have a plan or not.
I'm trippin, this drink got me sayin a lot.
But I know that you here in front of me.
How in the hell could you front on me?
There's a thousand yous there's only one of me.
I'm trippin, I'm caught up in the moment, right?

More fun with photobooth...

I don't think I've mentioned lately how much I love my Macbook.
I love you Macbook.

My nephew Corey will mug for a camera at the drop of a hat.
He knows he's pretty.
His teeth are perfectly straight but he swears he needs braces.
Striving for perfection. Getting prepared for that career in Hollywood.
Hope he remembers his old eccentric Auntie Dana when he's rich and famous.
Seems like just a few years ago that he was wiggling around on a blanket in the middle of the floor... drooling and pooping in his diaper.
Now he's a teenager.

Speaking of teenagers....


Freaking Matthew is SEVENTEEN!
He's a grown ass man almost! Good looking kid with his own opinions and peculiarities and stuff.
He's taken to wearing slippers everywhere. "They're comfortable", he says.
He tried to convince us that there really are inbred Deliverance style communities that set up traps for normal people and kill them and eat them.
I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, kid.
Nice try.

Patron Showdown

When I was still in college (many many many years ago) I challenged my stepfather, Skip, with shots of Bacardi Black. BTW, Skip is a boat captain. Needless to say, it was a losing effort and resulted in one of my three instances of alcohol related vomitting.

Well, he's older now and so am I.
He's almost 60 and so takes a bunch of meds everyday.
I'm 37 and between skiing trips, happy hours, and various get togethers - my liver gets challenged and strengthened every day.
Things are different now.

So I buy a bottle of Patron at Sam's Wholesale for $40 (for those of you not in the know, that's cheap!) and throw down the gauntlet again.

How far the mighty have fallen! Three shots in and he's out in the recliner and Mom is snoring on the couch. I didn't make him vomit or stumble so it's not really gratifying.

Lame.

Mom thinks Patron taste "like shit" (her words, not mine) but Skip is a born again tequila man.... three shots at a time.

Greetings from FL

Installed in FL.
Smooth fight in. Had a talker an the last leg but it was the short flight.
She was from Midland, TX. Near Odessa. If I was from TX I would want to be from Odessa. It just sounds imposing. Do you feel it? ODESSA!

Me and Mom have been chillin' with our laptops and shopping.
There are now three Starbuck's in Fort Walton.
I find this alarming but can't explain why. Mom and I go everyday and get our festive peppermint mochas.

Yesterday it was Bloody Mary's and raw oysters. Sunglasses and short sleeves.

Today, wrapping presents and baking cookies.

I think I got a new pair of running shoes for Xmas. Normally, I would be excited about that but now it just reminds me that I haven't exercised lately. Fat fat fat and getting fatter.

Steaks and Shrimps for dinner, BTW (that should help.) I also got a bottle of Patron and plan to get Mom and Skip plastered.

Doctors Appointment

I worked my ass off all day Sunday so I would have time for my Doctor's Appointment on Monday.
Shelly and Sue went with me, you know, to the .... Doctor.

Steven's had four inches of fresh and Sue and I were there for the second time in three days.

Shelly got her first runs in on the Bunny slope while Sue and I practiced riding switch. Sue and I eventually went on a powder hunt and were somewhat successful.

Splurged for burgers, fries, and gin & tonics for lunch. I only ordered one drink but it kept magically refilling itself.

My legs aren't really in shape yet. Had no bounce after lunch so spent a lot of time eating snow and giggling.

Since I have a degenerative brain disease, Sue and I both can't remember shit for more than five minutes. So we keep having the same conversations over and over between trying to recreate and remember our epiphanies.

Choke.

My FF team made it thru the regular season undefeated (have I mentioned that lately?) but fell just short in the first round of the playoffs. I was hopeful when Tom Brady put up 7 points, but then Tony Romo and Terrell choked. Fuckers.

And let me tell you the vermin came out of the wood work to taunt and tease.
No one likes a winner!

I'm hoping against hope that my fate is somehow linked to the Patriots and they will lose to Miami in their last game.

Meanwhile, Javier and I are duking it out for 3rd place and Magpies and Squirrels are in the very first LOIN Superbowl.

At least snowboarding has started....

Three Musketeers Ride Again

Me, Spanky, Sue and everyfuckingbody who owns a pair of skis or a snowboard went up to Steven's Saturday after some minor dumpage.
Got a few first tracks. Then bumped along the rest of the day.

Went in at lunch and got hammered on juiceboxes and Don Julio. Slices of pizza from Whole Foods and mini candy bars. We are so dialed this year.
Sue was ready to go on the big jumps after lunch but I managed to talk her out of it.
Steve was whining about the conditions as usual but went a lot faster on his new board than last year. I actually couldn't catch him a few times! We need to get matching sweaters to go with our matching boards and bindings.

A few incidents getting off the lift as usual. I'll get it one day.

Sue was still too drunk to drive home so the Spankster was at the helm.
Stopped at McDonald's for Fries (since I have a degenerative brain disease, I'm not so worried about the heart condition. Hopefully, I'll have a coronary before the drooling diaper days start.)

SWEEP!

TPE style! I have now dominated everyone in my Fantasy Football League, TWICE!
The trailer park curse has lasted through the regular season and I can only hope it it lasts into the playoffs. It probably won't, I meet the Magpies in the first round and she came within two points of blemishing my record a couple of weeks ago.
Beyotch has Tom Brady. I was hoping Rico would come through and squeak in the last spot so noone with the New England Patriots would make the cut.

Oh well, fuck it. I have my perfect season. Undefeated with the fewest number of points scored against me. You know what that means. Everyone under-performed when facing the quicksand of mediocrity that is the TPE.
That's how we roll.... Playa!

Finally!

Opening Day at Steven's Pass and Sue and I were there!

Egg sandwiches and mocha's in hand, we set out at 7....am!
SEASON PASS HOLDERS! Get outta the way.

Wasn't bad actually. Not much of a base but the snow was dry. Started out kind of tenuous but as the day wore on (and the "juice" boxes added up) I got braver and faster. We were talking shit and backing it up (some gapers from Kansas of all places talking about "can't let a girl beat me." At least I think that's what they were saying when I sprayed snow in their face as I passed them.) My only serious incident, of course, was a nasty spill getting off the lift. I hate the lift. I bent my knee backwards and made a big scene wailing and flailing. Then I limped out of the way, got up, and went balls out downhill. All better.



BTW- My sister wouldn't approve but we found these individual 'wine-in-a-box' fourpacks at Target. They come in Pinot Gris, Chardonnay, Merlot (of course!) and CabSav. The best thing ever for a day at the Pass! Got yer juice boxes and pizza slice and you're ready for the terrain park! If only they would do that for gin & tonics and Patron shots. Sigh.