List - Part 1

I'm finally getting around to copying Shelly... sort of. I just don't feel like enumerating my oddities. I want to go with the more standard "Desert Island" theme.
First off- top 20 movies. I expect some lists in my comment section you lazy P.O.S.'s. Top 10, 5, 1, something!

Dana's Top 20 movies:

1-Full Metal Jacket (No big secret here. Everytime I do this list it moves up a spot so now it will be on it's way down, slimeballs.)
2-Resevior Dogs
3-Manhatten ("One sees [the City] with a doubly alien view. With the view of the child one no longer is, and with the view of the child to whom the city was not yet familiar. The adult's glance does not yearn to merge with the child's glance; it is directed towards those moments when the future first anounced itself to the child.)
4-Menace to Society ("So, what, we gonna fight over some bitch?")
5-Silence of the Lambs
6-Lone Star
7-The Shining
8-Apocalypse Now
9-Papillon
10-Blade Runner
11-The Secret of Roan Inish (That's right. John Sayles get two!)
12-The Conversation (This is boarderline, but gotta represent G.H. Plus, paranoia is a favorite theme.)
13-Auntie Mame (Sentimental Favorite)
14-Barton Fink (This should be higher, I just thought of it. Maybe #4)
15-Memento
16-Vertigo
17-Who Framed Roger Rabbit (STFU, this is my list!)
18-Fantastic Planet
19-Naked Lunch (Fucking Disturbing!)
20-Murder on the Orient Express -1974 (Representative of many Agatha Christie/Sherlock Holmes movies)

Pimp my Ride- Part 1

Check out my new bindings!
Now all I need is a cool camo jacket and I will be practically unapproachable. Yes, I already had flow bindings but they didn't match my board. So now I have bindings for my park board and my mountain board. Cos I ain't no wannabe anymore. Only fell twice getting off the lift Saturday!

"Shit I parts with nothin, y'all be frontin. Me give my heart to a woman? Not for nothin, never happen. I'll be forever mackin.
Heart cold as assassins, I got no passion, I got no patience, And I hate waitin..
Hoe get yo' ass in and let's RI-I-I-I-I-IDE."

I'm so Hardcore! - Part 2

I never get sick. I have a superior immune system, made strong and responsive by the trials and tribulations of being raised as poor white trash. I also get plenty of rest since I'm lazy and more than fulfill my nutritional needs cos I'm a fat pig.
Sometimes I feel sub-optimal (like today) but I'm not actually ill. I'm still feeling the effects of being poisoned by the Occupational Health nurse (I've asked around, btw, and it's not just paranoia, I am being singled out for these "special" inoculations.)
I brag about it alot but I am grateful. Plus, I know that I'm gonna die of cancer or a stroke any day and all these sickly people will live till they're 90 so no reason to get too cocky.
So today I'm stuffed up and I have a headache and I don't want to do anything. But I'm still in Cell Processing and so I have to do stuff (in between posts.)
To add insult to injury, we have a potluck later to welcome new people to the floor. I wouldn't dare eat the food these people bring, of coarse (there are things no immune system can take), but I'll go and say hi and leave cos I have to at least go or my boss will say something. That will the first and last time I ever talk to them so what's the point. There are people who've worked two doors down for five years and I don't even know their name. Hell, there's at least three people I work directly with I haven't talked to in years. Why?
I hate them, that's why.

Movie Review: Little Miss Sunshine

"I got no reason to lie to you son. I'm serious, fuck alot of women. Alot of different women."

Steve bailed on me last night (sick again) so I went straight to Scarecrow to get some movies then on to Whole Foods for a slice of pepperoni pizza.
I'm standing in line and a guy in front of me (sixtyish ex hippie type) starts up a conversation about my choices. Just the fact that he would try to talk to me shows he has no situational awareness. But the line was moving fast and I knew it would be over soon so I didn't pull out the big rude guns. He did have time to offer up this gem.
"You know it won an award."
"Yes, that what pushed me over the edge to get it."
"It's great. You know what it has to say, what it has to teach us? That everyone is a little fucked up in their own way, you know. But it's ok!"
[To myself] "Wow, that's deep. Glad you could impart that wisdom. Took you sixty fucking years to learn that?"
Had the SV staff not come up at this point and taken the boxes from me I would have pt LMS back just to spite him. Glad I didn't. Until it started unraveling at the end I really liked being on the bus... the bus about to run into a brick house.

Movie Review: The Departed

Spoiler alert:
Despite being chock full of actors I have written off, this was the best movie I have seen in...so long I don't remember.
Martin Scorsese deserves best director just for making it appear that Leo, Marky Mark, and Matt Damon know how to act. I can't really think of anything negative to say (close your mouth!) There were a few conversations between Jack and Leo I didn't comprehend but it didn't take away. If I could be anyone in that movie, I'd be Marky Mark's character. A complete asshole, but respectable. And he blew Matt's head off (lots of head shots, btw, I like that) which I've wanted to do many times.

CSI

Olga was actually surprised I liked CSI and spent most of my time at her house watching episodes I'd already seen. Yes, of coarse I know it's ridiculous BS. Nice looking, well dressed people who can not only do PCR and Gas Chromatography in 5 minutes, analyze fingerprints, bullets, interrogate suspects and everyfuckingthing else and still have time to make cheezy jokes. I LOVE IT!

Wolf: Password, please?
Catherine Willows: E-I-E-I-O?
Wolf: This is a private party.
Gil Grissom: Uh, we have an invitation from the Las Vegas police department.

No, I don't want to work in a crime lab. I'm content saving lives and advancing knowledge. I used to make fun of my Mom for watching it and now I have some of them memorized. Sad. I had a dream once that I was vacationing in Vegas and saved some important person's kid and got to be a dead body on CSI and I was really, really excited. Maybe I should think about shutting the fuck up before I truly humiliate myself.

Sunday- Part 2

Ah, Sundays at Vivace. I consider Vivace an extention to the Landyacht, albeit four miles away. I pick up eight different wireless connections. Everyone here is young, beautiful, and hip. As long as I don't see my reflection in the window, so am I. And I could walk to the gym later. Not feeling it right now. But I'm running out of stuff to look at and songs to download. And the baristas keep looking over here (maybe cos I'm so cool with my lime green ibook?) Guess I'll have to buy another macchiato if I wanna stay. If they keep playing the soundtrack to "Grease", then fuck it I'll leave already. But before I leave I'm gonna check swing that bitch who's hogging the corner plug. Who needs two laptops at a coffee shop, seriously!?

The problem with perfect days (see previous post) is that the next few days seem dull. You'd think I'd have a glow to bask in but I'm just bored. Bored, bitchy, and tired. This is why football should go year round. If I had a football game to go watch I'd be hap hap happy. Maybe I'll go home and put on my Peyton jersey and pretend.

Fortune favors the Foolish

"The drive to return to the past isn't an innocent one. It's about stopping your passage into the future, it's a symptom of the fear of death, and the love of a predictable experience."

Innocent or not, I will be reliving yesterday for a long time. Second best conditions I have ever boarded (and this time I actually knew what I was doing.) Six inches of dryish powder. A snowboarder's dream. No work, no fear and no consequences. Even safety officer Steve was getting air, boarding off piste and yelling at gapers to get the hell out of his way! The Mountain Safety crew even gave him a warning (no shit!) By four we practically had the place to ourselves WTF!?
Bruce made a strong comeback from an incident with a mogul on the backside (he had just made a decision to be aggressive on a mogul field; oops, those darn ski tips.) A shot of tequila and two beers and he was born again hard. We nearly closed the pass down, pulling out of the parking lot half past nine.

I probably shouldn't go again this season cos it may ruin this season's legacy. But the snow is still falling and I finally found my free lift ticket to Mission Ridge buried in my quagmire of papers and books (it was poking out of "Dead until Dark"!) So continue my passage into the future I must.

Poor Me

God, today would be another epic at Steven's. FIVE inches since 5 am. But I'm stuck here at work with three double-cord transplants to sort out. Drat. I'm going tomorrow but of coarse so is everyone else and their cousin.
Sadly, I just found out that the Sultan Shuttle stops running Sunday! My big plans of skipping school and sneaking to board up in flames. They're still getting snow! Lots! WTF?! Oh well. Maybe the Sue Shuttle will be going for a while.

Went to bed early last night so I have alot of TV to watch tonight. Me and the chi's will be up late watching CSI's I've already seen and UFC Unleashed.
Did get KFC, though. I thought the chi's were going to levitate they wanted a piece of chicken skin so bad. I had to surgically remove Faye from my calf to throw away the box. The disappointment was palpable. Also, watched the Elain thumb/kick dance for the first time. Hell, I can do that. I'm gonna start doing that everywhere. It's cool.

Housesitting the Monkey- Part 1

Olga went back to the homeland for a few days and that means I'm in charge of the chi's. That means tivo + CSI = marathon. Me, Faye, Bella, and KFC in front of the television for three nights. Last night we watched The First 48 and Kansas City PD. Facinating. ("How many times do I have to tell you, don't say anything, ask for a lawyer!?") It also means Krispy Kream in the morning.
(Olga only eats healthy food so I have to find substanance somewhere!)

I accidentally turned on the bed heater and woke up dehydrated with chapped lips. (Luckily, they have a deluxe water distiller- the best water ever! And an ulimited supply of diet coke.) Baby toys are also an obstacle so you really have to pay attention to where you are walking. The remote labeled "Marshall" does nothing. I also have to check locks and ovens four times instead of two.

Overall a nice change from the trailer park. Though Aurora and Lake City Way do have similarities, their neighbors don't yell and throw bottles and have sex outside my window.

Killing me Softly

The Occupational Health Nurse is trying to kill me.
Slowly.
Insidiously.
One needlestick at time. All in the name of "keeping me healthy" and "protecting the patient population." I hate people and don't go near them and have even taken the precaution of having a career where I don't come in contact with them. But since my workspace resides in an outpatient clinic, she basically has license to do what she wants and what she wants is to kill me. (Money and doorknobs are the real problem but let's not be reasonable!)

1-I have to get a flu shot every year, like it or not. This is dumb for alot of reasons I won't enumerate, but hey, one shot a year- I'll deal. Flu is very contagious.

2-I am also required to be tested for TB EVERY YEAR! This entails having TB antigen injected under the skin on my forearm and seeing what happens. This is an outrage! TB is hard to catch. I don't like people. I treat them as if they were all plague bearers. I don't get close enough to catch the sniffles, how the fuck am I gonna get TB!

3-It doesn't stop there! I got a vaccination for pertussis. Whooping cough. Are you kidding me?!?! Whooping cough? "Yes, whooping cough. It's a terrible disease. You can break a rib or pop your eye out." Fucking hell, whatever.

4-I'm not finished. Second measles vaccination in two years. WTF?! Lady, if you don't have enough to do, take your ass to Africa. Those people need some vaccinations. I'm fine. All these vaccinations are probably gonna give me cancer. Of coarse, that's her plan.

One day. Four bandaids. Four welts. One very sore arm. Thanks.

I'm so Hardcore!- Part 1

That I am sometimes hardcore is well known amongst those that know me; regardless I like to mention it regularly. Sometimes I do things I really don't want to (like run a marathon in the snow) just so I can keep up my rep.
Yesterday, Sue and I were hardcore yet again. Fucking snowed like crazy yesterday at Steven's. This created the best and the worst conditions. The best when you found an untracked line and the worst when you didn't. But it was all worth it. The backside was a perfect example (the backside almost always tests your internal fortitude!) Top of Aquarius - BUTTER. Bottom of Aquarius -CONCRETE.
This day was not for the faint of heart. Even in the last few hours we were able to find a sweet untouched powder run off to the left of Big Chief. But the herd saw us having fun and came and poached our line.
The Push proved once again it was worth every penny and more. Deal at twice the price. Only drawback to having a new board is worrying about some criminal making off with it while I'm gettin' loose in the Foggy Goggle. Possessions own you!

Aside- Sue was feeling extremely charitable yesterday and admitted that Steve was right about it being very unsafe to stop on the shoulder of the interstate, since she saw some expose on TV about how many State Troopers get runover while they are stopped. She even told me I could tell Steve she said so, to make up for her being right about first runs on icy days. (Somehow, I doubt Steve will get much satisfaction from this. It may even add to his humiliation.) She also reiterated, however, that if one of her boots had flown out the back window, he would have gotten an assbeating.

Sunday- Part 1

"Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance" - William Shakespeare

But not today. I am busy downloading music. Mostly Dixie Chicks, which does make me feel kind of bad cos I feel I should support them. But the card is expired on my itunes account. When I figure it out and find out which songs I like I'll go back and buy an album. Actually, I just need to buy myself a gift card cos don't like itunes to have my credit card #. People just aren't honest.

1- Good day at VW yesterday. No kids. Had a few good routes in me but then burned out quickly (shouldn't have tried that heinous 10b liebacky thingy). No endurance. But then I had a really good run at the gym. Heart rate never above 170 for 5 miles. WTF? Caramel popcorn must be the secret pre-workout power food. Note to self: buy more caramel popcorn. Another note to self; kick Josh in the shin for making me do pull ups; now my fucking shoulders hurt!

2-Went to Snowboard Connection to have my new board fixed. In my mind, I had a HUGE gash on one side that needed to be filled. So drove all the way downtown (crazy traffic) to get under the viaduct, circled forever to get a spot. Go in, guy looks at my board then looks at me like I'm a gaper and tells me it's fine go home and don't bother him again unless I have a real problem. IT"S HUGE! Why can't he see that?

3-Me and Sue had chicken and my ROCKIN' garlic mashpotatoes for dinner. Then watched "Frailty'. Totally average. But Bill Paxton does have a knack for playing religious kooks. And now I come to the admission that I have a thing for Matthew McConaughey. Its's the voice, not the abs. That's one rare thing my sister and I have in common. Suckers for a nice speaking voice with a smooth southern accent.
Now this isn't the same warm fuzzy feeling thing like I have for George and Peyton - that's real.
This is just a voice fetish thing. There is a definite possibility that in person, Matthew is a tool.

WTF? Part 1

"There is comfort in the city's crowds, but also a sort of terrified amamzement. Who are all these people? Where did they come from? Is one of them following me, watching me, filming me, writing my name on the wall?"

Had to wait in line for 15 minutes at Vivace! It's only 8 am! Why are all these sheep following me around then cutting in line?
Are they gonna go to the gym too? Probably not! Losers.

1-Watched UFC 59 and 60 last night (finally!) It was expected yet sad the way Matt Hughes schooled Royce. Knowing he himself would be schooled months later by GSP made it much easier to watch. Anyone who publicly brags about reading he bible needs an ass whipping (funny how they always seem to skip over that part about being humble.) Now I hope Randy "the Natural" will do the same thing to Tim Sylvia in a couple of weeks. I would pay the forty bucks to see that if I knew it would happen (and I had a TV.) It would be kindness on Randy's part anyway. Cos otherwise Tim will have to face Crocop next, who will take his fucking head off!

2-It's official. Sue is unemployed. Probably inconvienient for her but fortuitous for me in the short term since she will perhaps want to do some mid week skiing. I would much rather go midweek, even though there is no night skiing (actually I don't like night skiing) cos there's less people and I fucking hate people. Me, her, and Shelly are tenatively going on Monday. At least it's tenative for them. I'm going if I have to take the bus. But there's likely to be more people that I would rather, it being a holiday and all.

3-Meeting Sue and Josh at Seattle VW in a bit. Wish we were going to the Redmond VW. There is this 11a corner route that's actually a 9 or softer. I'd waltz in there and walk up it and be looking pretty fly... until Josh tried it and outed me. I also wish we were going later but I'm not going to say anything and be difficult (Sue gets at least a one week grace period.) But there's everyone's goddamn kid there in the morning, making me look bad going up real 11a's without using their feet.

Rich inner life- Part 2

I'm going to win the Megalotto tonight an me and George are taking the trailer and moving out to the country. Of coarse, it will be a short drive to the city. And just outside of this pic is a big room with tv with tivo and a home gym. And a hottub. But that's all cos we're simple folk. Oh, and stables for all his horses. That's the only thing that really drives me crazy about him is all those fucking horses. Doesn't he ever get tired of roping those calves over and over.
Keeps him out of the trailer....

But until tonight I am bored bored bored. Not even excited about lunch cos it's just lean cuisine.

Last night, went over to the eastside to climb with Nathan. Love love love those chimney routes (despite the heinous exit moves.) Saw Spring and Bruce.... all the cool kids on the eastside. Spring obviously hadn't seen my blog in a few days cos she was nice to me. Or she just doesn't give a shit- that's another possibility.

At least I got UFC 59 and 60 in the mail last night so I'll have that to keep me busy until the drawing.

Should have stayed in bed.

Feeling a touch melancholy today with no obvious reason.

Would really liked to have gone boarding today.

Secretly hoping it rains on Steve and Bruce. Ok now not so secretly.

Maybe Monday or Tuesday.

Maybe I'm empathizing with Sue since she is having job/boss troubles. So is Shelly.

But that would be so unlike me. I think it is something else.

I'm really having to watch my spending since I bought my new board. But it was worth it and I'm doing pretty good so I don't think that's it either.

It's probably that I'm fat and my pants are tight and I haven't been going to the gym and I ate a fucking huge piece of chocolate cake yesterday and I wish someone would just smack me in the jaw (w/o breaking my teeth, please) so I'd just have to sip protein smoothies for a month.

Rich inner life- Part 1

“What I do is the product of many factors. But what I imagine doing is pure; pure in the sense that the images come wholly from within, from the soil of the subconscious.”

My favorite pretend boyfriend is Jack Bauer. We have some things in common- we're both softspoken but dangerous. We tend to favor loose fitting jeans and cowboy themed shirts. And we both have a high tolerance for pain and suffering.
The big difference is that he does his suffering for other people- saving the world, that kind of bullshit. At least it keeps him out of the trailer. He can get twitchy.
But he's nice to have around sometimes cos he's handy and can lead 5.11. And people tend to get the fuck out of his way.
I wish he would learn to snowboard but he doesn't like crowds. It's probably best cos he'd be a buzzkill in the lodge and I'd always have to worry about him killing someone that poached his line.

In other fantasy news, Steven's is going to get a foot of fresh late Sunday and it will be crisp and sunny on Monday.

"It was in my belly bitter...

... but in my mouth, it was sweet!"
I love Valentine's Day. Acutally I love the day after Valentine's day when all the Godiva chocolates go on sale!
But I have my romantic side too!


and noone says romance like Luda:

"She put that sugar on my tongue, tongue
Yippie Yippie, Yum Yum
Goodie goodie gum drop
Put me in a tongue lock
Did it till my body went numb, numb
Laid her on her back, back
Turned her round, gave her bottom a smack, smack
She's a woman from the block with the best of weave
But I won't stop till I'm pullin out tracks, tracks
It was lust at first sight
And she couldn't help sayin that she wanted to get with me
And my size was just right
Cuz she wanted a man with a little sec-ur-ity
Said I been around the world twice
And my name ring bells from Atlanta to Sic-i-ly
Said she wanted it all night
So put the bubbles in the tub and Ludacris and me"

Or Young Buck!


My 24's Spinnin', The Sticker's Still On 'Em
The Same Ol' Hoes, But A Nigga Still Want 'Em
I'm Parkin Lot Pimpin' On Another Nigga Woman
She Pullin up her skirt tryin show a nigga something
Now Where Them Hoes At, Look I'm Tryin To Take You Home
So What'cha Got Ya Girlfriends, Bitch Bring 'Em On
What A Nigga Don't Know Wont Hurt Him'
If Ya' Got A Old Man, Bitch I Ain't Worried.

Oh Lord, when is a man like that gonna come get me?!

5 reasons why I hate Spring:

1-She's hip, smart, cool, blah blah blah
2-She gets three months off work which she uses to be
3-A world traveler
4-She belongs to an ultra-plush gym that I could live at, where
5-She kicked my ass at raquetball on Sunday!
Bitch!
I was telling Olga all this when BAM! we see her at Pho Cyclo on Capital Hill. She was eating lunch with Roy (another world traveler.) Coincidence? I think not. Clairvoyance. If I could only harness it. Imagine the possibilities.
Pho Cylco rocks, BTW. I always get the grilled pork and shrimp with rice noodles but everything is good. Then you can go to Vivace and get coffee. Then you can go to Crossroads and shop. All while you are supposed to be at work oiling 1000 trays. So your boss can come up to you later and ask where you've been all day. So then you can look at her like she's covered in shit and say "well, you didn't look to hard cos I've been right here all day!"

Judas

"What shall I say to thee, thou cruel, ingrateful, savage, and inhuman creature! Thou that didst bear the key of all my counsels, that knew'st the very bottom of my soul, that almost mightst have coin'd me into gold. Wouldst thou have practis'd on me for thy use."

Background:
As I mentioned in "Bday recap-Part 2", when Steve, Sue and I went skiing at Stevens's on my bday, there was a disagreement about the start time. Sue wanted to get there right when the lifts started which would entail leaving at 7. Steve and I thought that was the stupidest thing we had ever heard since it hadn't snowed in two weeks and we were going to be there all day. Sue countered that the first runs were always better no matter what. Bullshit, we said. Since it was my day, she couldn't disagree with me and so we left a little after 8. (Aside: We, of coarse, had to stop for gas.)
Well... we got there around 10:00. The snow was actually pretty nice at first as it had been freshly groomed. Later on it got pretty tracked up and wasn't so fun.
At one point, when Sue wasn't around, Steve turned to me with an impish smile and said (approximately) "I really hate to admit it but Sue was kind of right." I concurred. Later that evening, I not only gave her props about the beta but also told her about Steve's remark (which, incidentally, brought her great satisfaction!)
Fallout:
Now, I'm guessing Steve assumed I also had too much pride to impart this tidbit to Sue. Or maybe he depended a bit too much on my discretion. But he was mortified when she happily confronted him.
Now, in my mind, most everyone has their specialties. Sue's happen to be skiing, shopping, and organizing. There is no shame in being bested by her in these areas. I think his fear is that she will cling to this instance like a drowning man to a life preserver and bring it up over and over and over. Well, she's going to do that anyway. But I know that she knows that I know that he knows that we know that she rivals the Bush administration in the sheer amount of misinformation she creates and this one bulls eye isn't going to change that! Besides.... it's funny.
Nevertheless, he has brought it up repeatedly. Each time with a stronger admonition for me and an ever more elaborate and passionate explanation of how he wasn't actually wrong and she wasn't actually right and even if she was it didn't matter anyway. And each time it becomes funnier and funnier... and it's not over.

"...though the truth of it stands off as gross as black and white, my eye will scarcely see it. Such and so finely bolted didst thou seem. And thus thy fall hath left a kind of blot to mark the full-fraught man and best indued with some suspicion. I will weep for thee; For this revolt of thine, methinks, is like another fall of man."

Did I mention I love my new board?

About thirty times just yesterday.
Sorry Steve and Bruce.
I also preemptively apologize to the next few saps who go skiing with me.
The Arbor Push is PIMP! I love it (sing song)!
It turns for you. And it's fast fast fast. The ski check guys treat you better if you hand them a nice board. Everyone of them commented on it. (One even tried to talk shop with me about his board cos I guess he thought if I had such a nice board then I must know all about it. Typical guy- see previous post.)
Know this. The very next good snow day- I am playing sick and going! Word.

Just one of the Guys- not really

As a kid, I hoped and prayed regularly that god would make me a boy. I felt he had made a terrible mistake.
Around my mid twenties, I realized how lucky I was that there was no god and he wouldn't do such a thing anyways. Guys can be..... boring. They tend to stray to solution oriented tech talk. Or toilet humor. They are also inclined to do crazy shit like push the grade on wet rock by headlamp. I believe this is one reason you rarely see one chick hanging out with guys. There are exceptions, of coarse. If you are going to spend all day skiing with two guys without drinking heavily or inducing a head injury, you could hardly do better than a hypersensitive OCD neurotic Swedish American and Bruce (who is all man but damn funny.)
I was indeed put in this very situation yesterday after Sue uncharacteristically bailed from skiing. Then I was uncharacteristically 10 minutes late even though the boys picked me up at MY trailer. Boo hiss. No matter, we were on the road at 7:10. Around Goldbar Steve has an epiphany. He has brought two of almost everything and zero ski pants. Sigh. I let him borrow my super cool Arcteryx. He gets to make the joke that he finally got into my pants. Har har. Fortunately I'm protected from cold by a thick layer of blubber I've been installing in my ass for several years now and the day proceeds as follows:
1-Steve and I inadvertently get a private snowboard lesson from a guy that could be our son. The obvious is pointed out. Steve has perfect technique but no guts, Dana has very little of said technique but is willing to board with the reckless abandon of someone who DOES NOT have 12 porcelain teeth she can't afford to replace.
2-We then meet up with Bruce for a beer and nachos.
3-We meticulously make sure the conditions are slightly sub optimal on every blue run on the mountain.
4-Bruce and I have cocktails and brats right in front of our poor chauffeur.
5-Back to the trailer by 10 and straight to bed.

The joys of being spanked.

I wonder how many racquetballs I could get in trade for my climbing gear and bike (both dangerous sports!) Because racquetball is the most fun you can have standing up. (Yes, I know that innuendo isn't really appropriate for me but most people can identify with it.) (BTW, snowboarding isn't technically standing up.) Even when it involves getting totally dominated as I did last night with Nathan!

He mopped the floor with me w/o even breaking a sweat. I had to make small talk to get breaks so I wouldn't throw up. I had to brush my teeth and hold my coffee cup with my left hand this morning. (I even made Adam (previous post) carry his own shit! ("You're a man, suck it up.))

But it was real big fun. I hit Nathan with the ball really hard... on accident.

Dana- Patron Saint of Bicyclists

Dana. Good Samaritan. Not often.

I generally can't be bothered to help people unless I have to.
But every now and then the "better angles of my nature" win out.
So even though I had gotten up at 5 a.m.! so I could get my chimerism run started early so I could leave early so I could..... sleep or something, I rescued my second bicyclist in 10 months.
(Ok the first was my friend and I kind of had to, but still.)

Just as I crossed the University bridge I caught sight of bright yellow jacket wandering aimlessly. I kept going. Then I felt bad. "He's probably fine I'll just back up and see."
Adam had two deep gashes (was that his eye socket I saw) on his forehead. He mentioned he might be in shock, which I agreed with. He also mentioned the vision in his right eye was fuzzy.
Nevertheless, I took him home as requested. I'm sure he'll be fine. After all, he looked a hell of alot better than Sue in May!

So, of coarse, I want to know what does this mean to me? Will I get his bad mojo? Has a debt I owed the universe been paid? Maybe something good will happen to me!
Nah.

Life as a cautionary tale.

I accepted my role long ago. I'm fine with it. I'm more than fine with it.
I'll do just about anything to make people laugh.
Cos that's the kind of common courtesy I expect. I can forgive people alot of things if I sense they are willing to put that exta effort into being funny.
But you can't over do it. It's like a football game; establish the run.

Yesterday, I happened to find a whole new set of people to tell my "I burned down a kitchen once" story to. It seems to be a favorite. It's the concrete portion that really gets them. Apparently, not many people know that concrete is somewhat flammable and should never be used in place of a fire extinguisher. I didn't until I burnt the kitchen down. This story always comes up in the context of OCD. It makes those who think they have it feel better about themselves. Glad to help.

Unitentionally undressing in public at the climbing gym is a distant second.
But I've got dozens.

Worker Bee

1-Back in Cell Processing. While, at the moment, CP is the second coolest place to be behind Serology, it still requires more effort than I like to expend.
Plus, the second stupidest person in the Lab is in here with me. I hope I have the same effect on her as I do the absolute stupidest person in the lab, which is to STFU!
We'll see. Gives me ample opportunity to hone my "withering stare."

2-Steve gave me a hard time about being so mean to Bruce in one of my previous posts.
That really hurt. Putting someone in a headlock and spewing verbal abuse is the ultimate sign if affection. How can he not see that?

3-Waffling on whether I should get the new board. If it's still availble tomorrow I'm taking it as a sign. I'll prop it beside my bed or maybe the espresso maker.... some place of honor to justify the expense.

4-Birthday gifts keep pouring in. Starbucks card from Sara and Enso. Good for those morinings I just can't be bothered to make my own artery clogging sandwich.
Also, a full body pillow from my Mom. I will name it Peyton, for now.

[Are you still reading this drivel?]

5-I'm going to get spanked by Nathan at raquetball tonight.

Banal Alert

Being a new blogger, I feel compelled to make an entry everyday whether I have something interesting to say or not. I'm sure I don't need to point this out.

1-Deb is being trained to do my job. This is good in that, eventually, I will have even less to do.
But in the short-term, I have to help in her area which happens to be the only area in the lab that consistently has work to do. So, I'm actually having to work. Way more than I'm used to.
This is interfering with important stuff like blogging and looking for a new snowboard.
Speaking of new snowboards...

2-Since my snowboard lesson on Saturday, I have become semi-obsessed with getting a new ride. So all spare moments are funneled toward that direction.

I've managed to narrow it down to two boards based mainly on looks. I'm a shallow person so I pick most things according to how they look.

My fav is the Gnu Altered Genetics. It has increased area on the edges for stopping which means more power and therefore more speed. But ultimately I like it for the cloned sheep theme. At $599 price tag, it's likely to stay at the store.

Coming in second is the Arbor Push. Also a nice looking board, but w/o the subversive graphics.

This is more realistic since I've already found a used one for $300. If it's still there Friday, I'll probably end up with that.

3-Finished watching "Firefly". Amazing how close it comes to the precipice of being cheeseball for so long without ever falling over.

Fav quote (approximately) : "We're out here all alone, on the corner of no and where."

Now back to "Big Love".

Plagerism- Part 1

I'm stealing this idea from someone else's blog.

Moment of the day (2/5/07):

Finally got that blue 10c stemming thingy. Steve did sort of hall my ass up and I used the rail.
But hey, yesterday wasn't very exciting so that will have to do.

Statistics

Just a boring picture of my co-workers? Not so! This picture is a miracle.
You see, all three of these people are smart, interesting hard workers.
If you go looking for them at any time during the day, not only will you probably find them, but they will usually be doing something productive. They will probably have something witty and/or insightful to say. ALL THREE OF THEM!
And they are all in the picture together.
This fact alone is like flipping a coin 20 times and getting tails all 20 flips.
It's possible, just not likely.
Here's what takes it to the realm of miracle. I like all three of them. And they kind of like me.
All in the same picture, quite by accident.
You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning right after winning the megalotto than get this picture again.
Don't believe me? Think I'm exaggerating?

Not 5 feet away from where this picture was taken, a complete dumbass is standing there trying to figure out how to turn on the centrifuge.
"Um (fill in the blank), what you're going to need to do is close the lid and press the green button that says 'start', you know, like we talked about yesterday."
To this retard, who is more representative of our group, percentages and fractions might as well be calculus.

Sigh.

It's all about Peyton. Bday recap- Part 4

My fucking sister and her fiance sent me some cool soap (I LOVE SOAP!) and card that reads as follows:

"Every year your friends gather with you on your birthday... [open the card]
And completely gloss over your shortcomings in a way that sickens me."

How that bitch was able find such a perfect card is beyond me.

Moving on.
Whether it was the Superbowl or Groundhogs Day or my birthday weekend or they were just invited, everyone who's anyone (except Spring, Tao, Jenn, Annie and Bruce) showed up at Josh and Shelly's house on Sunday.
All were witness to the Greatness of Peyton and the Belligerence of Dana.
Three things are certain:
1-The Colts deservedly won the Superbowl.
2-There was chocolate cake with white icing. Homemade chocolate cake. By Joan. And it rocked.
3-I looked Money. I showed up looking money with my Colts blue nike pullover that showed off my fat rolls and my bling (x-mas present from my fucking sister). But then it was off the hook when I got my #18 Manning jersey. And that was just the stand in. Birthday week continues as I anxiously await my authentic Peyton jersey.

The only thing that brought me back to earth from my birthday cloud was finding out someone had accidentally erased my high score on Galaxga! I had lost my edge at this point (from having to be nice and grateful all weekend... ok it was the six gin and tonics) and could not remedy this situation.
But this isn't over.

This is bullshit!- Part 2; Bday recap Part 3

Except for all the fucking people that decided to come to Steven's Pass on Saturday, it was more fun times for the gang.
Shelly took another begining lesson. This time with "Grouchy Bear".
But this time she learned some stuff... like how to stop; even went up the lift and had enough skills to avoid hazards.... like Sue.
Steve and I also took some lessons. The goal was to sharpen our skillz.
But it turned out to be an opportunity to harrass and showup less able snowboarders and ask obnoxious questions. Worth every penny!
Sue and Josh were two of maybe ten people going down black diamonds.
The rest were carted off by ski patrol.
Conditions were good but fast. Many stops for cocktails and junk food.
It wasn't my birthday technically anymore so Steve did not participate fully.
Choosing instead to tear up the family zone.

Back to the cabin. Baked a lasagne.
Then really raged! Can't even show you pictures of that.
One word. Firefly.

you betta ask somebody- Bday recap Part 2

So me, Sue, and Steve take off work on Friday and head to Steven's Pass cos I get to ski free on my birthday.
But only after some back and forth about the start time.
Steve and I lobbying for a leisurely departure, Sue subtly trying to get things moving sooner.
As many of you know, "subtly" and "Sue" don't normally appear in the same sentence, but it was my birthday so she employed what must have been an enormous drain on her self restraint and deferred to me. (The fallout from this decision is someone else's post on someone else's blog.) The conditions were actually still pretty good and we shredded some fine corduroy. Ate burgers and fries for lunch (my choice, everything was my choice this weekend (even Steve came in for lunch.))
Got a pizza to go for dinner and went to the cabin and PARTIED!


Shelly and Josh arrived around 8 and things really got crazy!
I got a lucky cat to help my lucky pig with coffee and a strawberry cheesecake.
We were in bed by 9.

Don't ask.

creamsicle+cream cheese+cake = Bday recap Part 1

Birthday week started off well Wednesday (or was it Tuesday) when Olga brought me in a orange creamsicle cake from Whole Foods. Think Flinstone creamsicle push-up with cream cheese icing and fluffy cake.
Elevated genius.
I have no photodocumentation of this event, unfortunately, cos it was over pretty fast. Saving lives and advancing knowledge is hungry work. So when someone pulls out coffee and cake at 3 o'clock at the SCCA, you better move the fuck out the way.

But, it looked something like this....

What an asshole!

Not only did he have the temerity to show up and root for the Bears (hometown, who cares!) but then he pulled this passive/aggressive good sport bullshit just to make me look bad.


He knew from past experience that if that if things went poorly for Indy I would take it much like my man when he loses,


badly!


I played along..... sort of...

I'd had such a good birthday week that I mostly let is slide. I didn't let it affect my glow.
But, speaking of assholes....

PICK A TEAM!

Sentimental Education- Part 1

So this morning I got a card from my Mom.
Big pink sentimental card. Despite a tough exterior, my Mom is prone to sentiment.
And so, since I hadn't had my coffee yet, I assumed it was my birthday.
I thought it was my birthday for about six blocks.
Then I realized I was going to work and not to Steven's Pass so it was not my birthday, it was plain old February 1st.
I, also prone to sentimentality, remembered this was the not the first time that I have mistook Feb. 1st for my actual birthday.
When I was five (almost) my Mom informed me that she had arranged for my birthday to be annouced on the radio! It was a local show where the ?DJ? read classified ads for people selling trucks and livestock. Then he would annouce birthdays and anniversaries.
So when I got up on Feb. 1st (I didn't drink coffee at all then!) I ran to the radio and waited.
Dana, it's not your birthday. That's tomorrow.
NO! It's today!
No. It's tomorrow. Today is Feb. 1st.
NO!NO!NO!NO! [tears, wailing, flopping on the floor, then off to kindergarten]

Why was I sooooo excited for some guy on the radio to let a bunch of redneck farmers know it was my birthday?
Why was I so devastated that I'd have to wait another 24 excrutiating hours until my real birthday (until I was a year older)?
Because I was five (almost) and that's a good age to be. Probably better than 36 (almost) in alot of ways. Most ways.
But being 36 (almost) is probably better than being say.... 4o, 43, 45....etc.... (I just picked those randomly!)