Nothing will make you feel enormous faster than a bunch of skinney bitches in bikinis invading your hot tub in Whistler while you are doing your imitation of a beached whale.
Nothing will make you feel dainty faster than sitting down in a wheelchair made for an EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUND HUMAN BEING!
But the feeling is fleeting so I resolved again to eat better and try to become less of a disgusting fatbody.
So on the way to work Monday, I stopped at the grocery store and got some Lean Cuisines and nuts and bananas. I was set.
Things were going well.
Then fucking Olga gives me a piece of German Chocolate Cake saved from Marc's Birthday.
I was touched that she would think of me and save me a piece so I didn't say anything and just ate it.
Then the hooker starts talking about these cookies she's got and she wants me to try!
For God's Sake woman, can't you see how fucking fat I am already I don't need no goddamn cookies!
But I ate one anyway.
2 comments:
I offered Dana a cookie and she freaked. I think it went like this: "I'm FAT and I'm on a DIET for Chrissake (screaming) - NO I DON'T WANT A COOKIE". It was so loud that you could hear her through the door and down the hall. I can live with a response like that - I'm cool with it. But what killed me was that 5 minutes later (when I thought that the topic had died) she turns to me out of the blue and asks, "What kind of cookie is it?"!!!! WTF?! It's a crack cookie honey. Trust me, you'll be able to stop at one. -OTM.
Oh darlin'.
Sigh.
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