Some Thugs at the Pass

Off the plane and headed to the slopes, like any jetsetting hipsters these days.
Arrived at Steven's at exactly 3:01 to make some ruckus under the lights.
It freaking snowed all night and kept filling in the tracks.
Blowing like crazy, especially up on Tye Mill- the chair lift would really go sideways at the top. This, strangely, made Spanky giddy. It just made me more of a menace getting off the lift- I stopped even trying not to fall eventually, just launched and splat.

Made a few runs then took a brief respite to fortify ourselves with Don Julio.





This left me feeling a little cocky, as usual, so I immediately went blazing down Brooks face first into a hole. Steve went right past me w/o even looking my way.
Tested to see if I could move my legs first, fearing the worst. Check. Not paralyzed this time.
Then wiped a drop of blood from under my nose and a tear from my eyes and carried on.
Came into the chairlift whining loudly to make Spanky feel like shit for leaving me there to die!

Slowed me down a bit. But didn't quite convince me that drinking and snowboarding don't mix cos we headed back in for dinner and more Don Julio. Split a Tye Mill burger to help absorb the alcohol.
Bartender announced that they were closing westbound Hwy 2 for avalanche control so we might want to leave or get stuck.
FUCK THAT BULLSHIT! We're closing this bitch down. That's how we roll.

My Man!

When I picked Steve and Bruce up from the airport coming home from Mexico, I tried to embarrass them by showing up with my bling and a grill made from a Hershey's Almond Kiss wrapper (it even had tiny almonds on it!)

Steve got me back Saturday. But he one-upped me by having a real grill with diamonds! And a brand new OR jacket (after mugging Sue for a her prized 40% off coupon.)
Sweet! Totally pimp! I'm sure more than a few people wondered if Eminem was picking his bitch up from SeaTac. Except the Jeep, for all its virtues, is no Escalade. And I ain't no hoochie.

And another thing, goddamnit!

I don't know if you got a brain or not.
If you have a plan or not.
I'm trippin, this drink got me sayin a lot.
But I know that you here in front of me.
How in the hell could you front on me?
There's a thousand yous there's only one of me.
I'm trippin, I'm caught up in the moment, right?

More fun with photobooth...

I don't think I've mentioned lately how much I love my Macbook.
I love you Macbook.

My nephew Corey will mug for a camera at the drop of a hat.
He knows he's pretty.
His teeth are perfectly straight but he swears he needs braces.
Striving for perfection. Getting prepared for that career in Hollywood.
Hope he remembers his old eccentric Auntie Dana when he's rich and famous.
Seems like just a few years ago that he was wiggling around on a blanket in the middle of the floor... drooling and pooping in his diaper.
Now he's a teenager.

Speaking of teenagers....


Freaking Matthew is SEVENTEEN!
He's a grown ass man almost! Good looking kid with his own opinions and peculiarities and stuff.
He's taken to wearing slippers everywhere. "They're comfortable", he says.
He tried to convince us that there really are inbred Deliverance style communities that set up traps for normal people and kill them and eat them.
I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, kid.
Nice try.

Patron Showdown

When I was still in college (many many many years ago) I challenged my stepfather, Skip, with shots of Bacardi Black. BTW, Skip is a boat captain. Needless to say, it was a losing effort and resulted in one of my three instances of alcohol related vomitting.

Well, he's older now and so am I.
He's almost 60 and so takes a bunch of meds everyday.
I'm 37 and between skiing trips, happy hours, and various get togethers - my liver gets challenged and strengthened every day.
Things are different now.

So I buy a bottle of Patron at Sam's Wholesale for $40 (for those of you not in the know, that's cheap!) and throw down the gauntlet again.

How far the mighty have fallen! Three shots in and he's out in the recliner and Mom is snoring on the couch. I didn't make him vomit or stumble so it's not really gratifying.

Lame.

Mom thinks Patron taste "like shit" (her words, not mine) but Skip is a born again tequila man.... three shots at a time.

Greetings from FL

Installed in FL.
Smooth fight in. Had a talker an the last leg but it was the short flight.
She was from Midland, TX. Near Odessa. If I was from TX I would want to be from Odessa. It just sounds imposing. Do you feel it? ODESSA!

Me and Mom have been chillin' with our laptops and shopping.
There are now three Starbuck's in Fort Walton.
I find this alarming but can't explain why. Mom and I go everyday and get our festive peppermint mochas.

Yesterday it was Bloody Mary's and raw oysters. Sunglasses and short sleeves.

Today, wrapping presents and baking cookies.

I think I got a new pair of running shoes for Xmas. Normally, I would be excited about that but now it just reminds me that I haven't exercised lately. Fat fat fat and getting fatter.

Steaks and Shrimps for dinner, BTW (that should help.) I also got a bottle of Patron and plan to get Mom and Skip plastered.

Doctors Appointment

I worked my ass off all day Sunday so I would have time for my Doctor's Appointment on Monday.
Shelly and Sue went with me, you know, to the .... Doctor.

Steven's had four inches of fresh and Sue and I were there for the second time in three days.

Shelly got her first runs in on the Bunny slope while Sue and I practiced riding switch. Sue and I eventually went on a powder hunt and were somewhat successful.

Splurged for burgers, fries, and gin & tonics for lunch. I only ordered one drink but it kept magically refilling itself.

My legs aren't really in shape yet. Had no bounce after lunch so spent a lot of time eating snow and giggling.

Since I have a degenerative brain disease, Sue and I both can't remember shit for more than five minutes. So we keep having the same conversations over and over between trying to recreate and remember our epiphanies.

Choke.

My FF team made it thru the regular season undefeated (have I mentioned that lately?) but fell just short in the first round of the playoffs. I was hopeful when Tom Brady put up 7 points, but then Tony Romo and Terrell choked. Fuckers.

And let me tell you the vermin came out of the wood work to taunt and tease.
No one likes a winner!

I'm hoping against hope that my fate is somehow linked to the Patriots and they will lose to Miami in their last game.

Meanwhile, Javier and I are duking it out for 3rd place and Magpies and Squirrels are in the very first LOIN Superbowl.

At least snowboarding has started....

Three Musketeers Ride Again

Me, Spanky, Sue and everyfuckingbody who owns a pair of skis or a snowboard went up to Steven's Saturday after some minor dumpage.
Got a few first tracks. Then bumped along the rest of the day.

Went in at lunch and got hammered on juiceboxes and Don Julio. Slices of pizza from Whole Foods and mini candy bars. We are so dialed this year.
Sue was ready to go on the big jumps after lunch but I managed to talk her out of it.
Steve was whining about the conditions as usual but went a lot faster on his new board than last year. I actually couldn't catch him a few times! We need to get matching sweaters to go with our matching boards and bindings.

A few incidents getting off the lift as usual. I'll get it one day.

Sue was still too drunk to drive home so the Spankster was at the helm.
Stopped at McDonald's for Fries (since I have a degenerative brain disease, I'm not so worried about the heart condition. Hopefully, I'll have a coronary before the drooling diaper days start.)

SWEEP!

TPE style! I have now dominated everyone in my Fantasy Football League, TWICE!
The trailer park curse has lasted through the regular season and I can only hope it it lasts into the playoffs. It probably won't, I meet the Magpies in the first round and she came within two points of blemishing my record a couple of weeks ago.
Beyotch has Tom Brady. I was hoping Rico would come through and squeak in the last spot so noone with the New England Patriots would make the cut.

Oh well, fuck it. I have my perfect season. Undefeated with the fewest number of points scored against me. You know what that means. Everyone under-performed when facing the quicksand of mediocrity that is the TPE.
That's how we roll.... Playa!

Finally!

Opening Day at Steven's Pass and Sue and I were there!

Egg sandwiches and mocha's in hand, we set out at 7....am!
SEASON PASS HOLDERS! Get outta the way.

Wasn't bad actually. Not much of a base but the snow was dry. Started out kind of tenuous but as the day wore on (and the "juice" boxes added up) I got braver and faster. We were talking shit and backing it up (some gapers from Kansas of all places talking about "can't let a girl beat me." At least I think that's what they were saying when I sprayed snow in their face as I passed them.) My only serious incident, of course, was a nasty spill getting off the lift. I hate the lift. I bent my knee backwards and made a big scene wailing and flailing. Then I limped out of the way, got up, and went balls out downhill. All better.



BTW- My sister wouldn't approve but we found these individual 'wine-in-a-box' fourpacks at Target. They come in Pinot Gris, Chardonnay, Merlot (of course!) and CabSav. The best thing ever for a day at the Pass! Got yer juice boxes and pizza slice and you're ready for the terrain park! If only they would do that for gin & tonics and Patron shots. Sigh.

Clean Well Lighted Place

It was very late and everyone had left the cafe except an old man who sat in the shadow the leaves of the tree made against the electric light. In the day time the street was dusty, but at night the dew settled the dust and the old man liked to sit late because he was deaf and now at night it was quiet and he felt the difference.

It was the light of course but it is necessary that the place be clean and pleasant. What did he fear? It was not a fear or dread. It was a nothing that he knew too well. It was all and nothing and a man was a nothing too. It was only that and light was all it needed and a certain cleanness and order. Some lived in it and never felt it but he knew it all was nothing.

No one does despair like Hemingway.

This was featured on selected shorts (I'm addicted to NPR podcasts lately) and the host introduced it as follows:

"The stories I have chosen all employ a plainness of language. So to set that up, in this my introduction, I will use up your tolerance for cake and make you long for bread. And then we shall have bread!

You stare into the fire and all the contents of your days' cargo display themselves in the flames. The junk and the diamonds. The smoke of lust and the rough knotted rope of grief. A montage in the fire. An overwhelming montage. And a feeling of despair. And hope. Despair says 'I will drown and I will never understand anything.' But hope says, 'Wait.' When the day is done and we are left to ourselves, when the fire punches a circle in the dark, it's the soul that sees gods in the constellations."

False Alarm.....again.

(Fantasy Football Alert)

I am unofficially 10-0 in the LOIN.
I have secured a spot in the playoffs (via an unofficial loss by the Giant Man Eating Squirrels.) Fourth place (at least) is locked up by the Trailer Park Explosions.
Can I get an ahmen!?

It was touch and go early. I think I pulled a hamstring spending three + hours on the treadmill watching the Dallas/NY game that decided my fate. Just shows you I wouldn't ask my boys to do anything I wasn't willing to do.

It's mostly thanks to Terrell Owens and Tony Romo. Now I need them to lose a game or two so they're still hungry for the playoffs (not that I'm not satisfied with fourth place, mind you! That's 10%...$25... I might break even!)

Unfortunately, this leaves me nothing to whine and wring my hands about for four weeks.
Lame.
I guess I'll spend that time tormenting the rest of the league with SMACK! talk cards.

People (said with ultimate disgust)

I don't even know what to say about this.

For those of you who can't believe your eyes, yes, this fuctard is eating right out of the buffett....in front of God and everyone. He is eating steamed crab right out of the buffett at an event with hundreds of people. In between each bare handed scoop, he even licked his fingers. I'm not kidding, ask Olga. Inches away- plates, napkins, and forks sit unused.

If there were any justice, logic, and/or direction to the universe (I don't have to point out that there isn't, do I?) this asshat buys a motorcycle and kills himself racing a camaro on the West Seattle Bridge. Assuming he isn't infected with Hepatitis (a big if!) he then donates his organs to those more deserving of life. This won't happen, of course. He will live fat, dumb, and happy for years to come infecting fairgoers everywhere with E. Coli from his long career as a fry cook.

For reals this time...

(Disclaimer #1- I stole 'for reals' from Gina. I love it. She's like 19 or something so it sounds cool when she says it and I'm aware that it makes me sound like and idiot 36 year old trying to be cool and hip but I don't give a fuck! For reals.)

(Disclaimer #2- This is primarily a Fantasy Football post so if you don't like it FUCK OFF! For reals!)

I know that I'm going to lose this time. I'm 9-0. He's 2-7. BUT, Goin' Deep has two awsome matchups that are going to kill me. I have some good matchups too but Marc Bulger and Marques Colston are going to be in shootout and bury me! And I think my guys are getting cocky and due for a letdown. Damn. The way I absolutely know it's for reals this time is cos last night I found these hysterical e-cards made just for talking shit to someone you have just schooled in FF. And I can't wait to send one which means I may not win again and be forever tormented. Why couldn't I have found these last week! The cards even have SMACK! sound effects. And they're envisorating. And I really really really want to send one. Marshawn, baby, I need to you strut your stuff in Miami. Show 'em!

Dana- The Procrastinator

Once I get behind in something I just start pretending it doesn't exist (which I'm really good at) and then it snowballs and turns into a huge fucking project and then, and then, and then, and then.....

There's been alot going on. Alot of blogworthy goings on. I'm just fucking lazy.

Here's a quick summary of the highlights.

1-Two Sundays ago. I knew it was going to be a good day when on the way to the store, I turn on the radio and Garrison Keillor is reading "The Raven". Ah, Autumn is here. Shelly made "Barefoot Contessa's Halloween dinner for Adults". It was delish! Pork Loin and apple sauce. To show my appreciation, I kicked her ass in FF. Haha!
SWEEP!

2- The following Friday night, half of LOIN met at the West Seattle Bowl for LOIN bowling night. Javier came dressed as Johnny Cash in honor of Day of the Dead. He belted out "Folsom County Prison" at every opportunity. He's terrible at bowling but he throws it hard. Plus everyone is afraid of his FF team.

3- OYSTERFEST! Marc, Olga, Aura, and me ate ourselves silly at Elliot's annual Oyster New Year. If you like raw oysters, it's a little piece of heaven. If you don't (and alot of people fall into this unfortunate category) it's a horror show. I have a special 'I hate people' column to elaborate.

4-Following Sunday. Bruce, Steve, and I watched Indy and Seattle lose in a disappointing fashion at a dive bar with lots of TVs in West Seattle. Bad service follows us everywhere. Then Bruce had us over to his house for Sunday night football. We had cupcakes and coffee. Then I kicked his ass in FF.
SWEEP!

Shelly- Closet Egomaniac

Last night, Shelly, Bruce, Steve, and I went to Ski Fever (ski expo) to shop and get free lift tickets and swag. No significant purchases but got us excited for the season. Almost got Bruce into some skis but he does have a Mexico trip coming up and green fees every weekend (fucking golfers.)

Then we went next door to Jimmie's to get drunk. Had meat and fried vegetables and a few shots of Patron (butterfingers Bruce dropped his Cabo Wabo on the first try but shook it off and completed the next two.) At this point Shelly starts talking shit. She insists that if the situation called for it, she could kick my ass.
She is wiley she says. This wiley factor apparently figures large in her mind. Forget that I'm taller, heavier, wider, have an above average tolerance to pain and I'm prone to fits of destructive rage. You'd think that she would just let me have this one.
She's younger, prettier, smarter, etc, etc, etc....
Let me have this one. This small something. At least admit that I could hypothetically kick your ass.... which I could by the way.
Seriously.

Movie Review: Into the Wild

When I finished reading the book, I was one of those assholes that put it down and said, "What a fucking idiot!"
When the movie was over, I was one of those assholes that said, "Why are they making a movie about this fucking idiot?!"
Seriously, the only reason this is even a story is because of the bus. Without the bus you've got nothing. This idiot has to spend a few days in the wild for reals and he either dies and is never found or he turns around and goes home.
And how the fuck did that bus get there anyway? That's the story. That's what I want to know.

But a lot of people are impressed by this kid. What gives?

Your dad is a prick so you give away your money and live like a bum an do stupid stuff and quote Thoreau and suddenly you're better and smarter than everyone?
You live in a cave in Mexico for a month and you think you're tough?
He wasn't the first and won't be the last to be served a big fat piece of humble pie courtesy of the Great Northwest.

Besides arrogance and youth, his other problem is a lop sided education. He spent his time reading Thoreau, Tolstoy, and Jack London.
Where's the Bertrand Russell?! Where's the Shakespeare?!
Even the comedies will teach you the one thing you absolutely need to know.

It's not 'if' something will go wrong... it's 'when'.

Truth will not keep you warm and beauty won't satisfy hunger. Oh, and you might need a map and compass to find freedom, asshat!

It's not bad luck when a piano falls on someone's head and kills them.
They're lucky to have made it that far!
Disaster is waiting for you around the corner, you don't need bother going to find it.


All that aside... it's a good movie to see at the theater cos the scenery is spectacular.

Bowling with the Boys

Friday, Steve, Bruce, and I went to the super trendy Matador in West Seattle for some drinks and quesadillas. Tried some different silver tequillas but none as good as Patron. Moral learned: stick with what you know!

Then we walked to the not so super trendy West Seattle Bowl.

Aside: I love bowling shoes! I would wear them all the time if I could. Where do you buy bowling shoes? These even have fluourescent green stitching - same color as the highlights on Seahawks jerseys. I need these shoes.

Anyway, I didn't even really try the first game and I won. I could tell if I kept this up, it would demoralize the boys. So I progressively slacked off. Steve showed more ball handling skillz and took the last three games. The commish came in second in overall scoring and a good time was had by all.

A LOIN bowling night is in the works. Stay tuned!

Shelly-Patron Saint of Football Tickets

Shelly is the bestest.
She got cheap tickets for the Hawks vs. Rams and she is taking yours truly.
Why?
You'll have to ask her.
I'm so excited! (sing song)

We are going to sit in the rain with our burgers and garlic fries and $5 sodas and $10 beers and watch the Seahawks generously give another team their first win by not running the ball and letting Marc Bulger throw at will - thereby dooming the Hawk's season and guaranteeing my first FF loss. It's going to be great!

Extra added bonus....we're going to the gift shop to get jerseys to wear. I'm gonna get Walter Jones! Which will mean he goes down in the first with a career ending knee injury.

Then Shelly and I both get food poisoning from the burgers.

I dedicate this post to Shelly by outlining the worst possible scenario while still maintaining nervous optimism.

Two Things-

I was just reading the Seattle PI and two stories concerned me.

1- Huge windstorm on Thursday. That fucking campertop monstrosity is still next to me and still looks unstable in all the wrong places. She decorated for Halloween. Made a big spiderweb (like 6 feet across) and strung lights around her sewer hose (nice.) I'm like, Honey, spend your free time making sure that piece of shit you live in doesn't fall on mine!

2- A woman was arrested in Ohio or somewhere for swearing at her overflowing toilet. She was given a citation for cussing in her own home. An off duty cop heard her from the window and called the police! The article didn't print what she said but it couldn't be worse than the tongue lashing I gave #16 Liquid Nitrogen freezer when the lid fell on my head. Good thing my co-workers aren't prone to calling the fuzz (the was some property damage inflicted, as well.)

...

I spent 2 hours at work dispensing brown liquid from small bottles into even smaller tubes and then freezing them for future use. The rest of the time I did nothing.
That's why I make the big bucks!
Haven't had one of those unsupervised 'do nothing' days for a while (I wouldn't characterize the last several weeks as busy but I had things to do... or people were watching, one of the two.)

Just me and Olga hanging in Serology today. We caught up on our rants then extolled the virtues of Old Navy, Ebay, and L'Occitane.

Now I'm sweating out the results of my FF game. I'm done but my opponent is slowing encroaching on my slim lead with the Giants defense. It doesn't look good for the Trailer Park Explosions.
That's all I'm going to say about that cos my sister thinks I talk too much about football these days. She could be right. Maybe I should start a separate FF blog to spare those who could give a shit.

The Trailer Park Explosion page. Hmmm. I could talk about my team and also document real trailer explosions all over the country. I bet there's lots!

I'm half heartedly considering going to the gym. I don't feel like it but I am fat so...
Steve bailed on climbing tonight. That's what happens when you get into a relationship, even a pretend one. After a while, the magic fades and all of a sudden he's too tired to climb. Sigh.

I got a bad feeling about this one.

You: "You say that every week."
Me: "No, I'm serious this time."
You: "He doesn't even have a kicker!"
Me: "Ok, I know I said I would never talk shit about kickers again.... but who gives a fuck about a fucking kicker!? I've got some serious matchup problems here. I've got two players (ahem Terrell, Shaun) that need to man up, seriously!
You: "STFU and stop whining. It's just FF."
Me: Whimper "Come on T.O."

Bar Hopping the Methow

Our goal was simple.
See all Sunday NFL games.
Another early start.

First stop, Twisp Brewpub. Nice place, only one TV. We would have to settle ourselves with watching the hated Pittsburg Steelers pummel the Hawks. At least the breakfast was good. Steak and egg burrito with french toast. And a bloody mary, obviously.

Hoping to shake off the bad mojo, we moved on to the saloon in Winthrop. I switched to gin and tonics. Most of the players on my fantasy team played on Monday, so I watched as my oppenent slowly racked up 80 points to my 26. I ordered more drinks. Steve was obviously going to win but he kept whining anyway. I hypocritically told him to STFU, which drew stares from the family with young children.

Where to watch the late game?
Lightbulb.
Let's go up to Sun Mountain and pretend we're staying there.
I'm idea person (planning and follow thru...not so much.) I have alot of ideas. But this turned out to be the best fucking idea I've had in a year. Better even than... than... ok I can't really think of anything, but it was pimp.


They were watching baseball in the lounge so the bartender suggested we go to the TV room. We had it all to ourselves! We ordered drinks and a burger and they brought them to us even though we were obviously trespassers! It was sweet! Watching Madden and Michaels, sipping wine and beer, and looking down over the valley just like the rich people. Unlike rich people, I had snuck in Patron in a Talking Rain bottle, so I intermittently stole limes from the bar and we took a shot every time Madden looked like he was going to have a heart attack, which is pretty often. Greg Jennings (one of my WR) came thru nicely with 14 points. We really warmed up to our interloper status and took over the game room as well.



Steve may suck at leg wrestling but his ping pong skillz are undeniable. He really knows how to handle his balls. Although, you can clearly see he is cheating in the pic by hiding the ball during the serve. He won all three games. He almost beat me at foosball too but I made a furious comeback by randomly twirling the rods really fast.

Nothing like driving down a really dark, winding, steep road after several shots of tequilla. I managed. I probably burned it off with the ping pong. That's what I told myself.

Ride the Methow- Part 2

Saturday.
Ride day.
Steve and I have been wringing our hands about how early we have to get up and how cold it's going to be (it was 30 Friday morning.) All our worrying for nothing. It was brisk but sunny. After tying his previous record for # of times you can change your mind about the same thing, Stevus decides to ride the Century over Loup Loup Pass. I ride the 70 mile ride down to Carlton and back and up Sun Mountain. I watched each and every mile go by on my odometer. By the end, I was watching every tenth of a mile. We both survived. I won a pair of pink flowery socks at the raffle. Steve got shutout.

Another high calorie meal earned. Pizza this time- extra cheese.
It's only ten but we're both worked. No Patron, no movies, no dancing.
We have to save our strength (and livers) for the tough day ahead.

Ride the Methow- Part 1

I hope you appreciate the fact that I break up these stories for the attention span impaired.

Steve (my PBF) and I went over to Winthrop this past weekend to attend their annual cycling fest. I like to do long rides. I'm into it, but it's not my thing, per se. Well, it is Steve's thing. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard "I'm gonna be late cos I've got to get a bike ride in...."
Geek.

As you can tell by this pic, you can get your green card, you can even get naturalized, you can wear deodorant, but you'll always be a European at heart. What's this thing against matching clothes? Anyway.

Uneventful ride over. Four hours. We have a cozy cabin by lake a few miles out of town. It's cool. I get the single bed cos that's what I'm used to. He gets the double. There's a bunch of people there at the campground who race these miniature boats. People. They're the worst.

We get up late Friday. Have breakfast. Our waitress is a current or former meth addict (you can tell by the teeth.) We ride up to Mazama against a 100 mph headwind. Big fun. It's enough to earn a high calorie dinner at The Duck. Too tired for a movie or Patron.

Weak.

I'm turning into a lazy fuck!

And a drunk obviously.
Can't be bothered to blog.
Fantasy football takes up all my time lately.
I wish I would just lose already so I can stop thinking about it.
But even then I probably wouldn't. I just fucking love football.

Anyway. I'm hanging at the pub under Honey Bear Bakery. Getting drunk and blogging. I only have to drive a mile home so I should be ok.

Went to see "Enjoy". Ski porn. And when I saw ski porn, I'm mean ski porn. Not one goddamn snowboarder. What the fuck is that all about? 50% of the people out on the slopes are snowboarders and these fucktards make an hour and a half movie with just skiers. I'm not prejudiced. I like watching skiers do cool tricks. But where are my people?! That's just bullshit! They (and when I say they, I mean them, the skiers) have some kind of strangle hold on the film industry and they are so fucking insecure about how fucking gay they look compared to snowboarders that they have to shut us out of their pussy ass movies.

But I'm not prejudiced.

FF Week 5 Wrap-up

TPE vs. Magpies

A bird comes to rest on a make shift bamboo fence. The evening is quiet, now that the drunken argument next door has ended with a thud. Only the occasional passing car breaks the stillness. The bird looks this way and that and preens its feathers. If not for the acrid smell of sulphur that mysteriously grows stronger it would be a pleasant perch. Sulphur?....
KABOOM!
Ashes and singed feathers rise high into the night sky above the hot propane fed flames illuminating the trailer park.
I will never make fun of kickers again.

Corncob Justice vs. Extreme Fumbleitis

Injuries, bye weeks, and underachievers. At least the Mendoza line was never a question this week. Peyton maintains his composure as his team is rebuilt around him via frantic free agency. Fumbleitis uses savvy new acquisitions to get the win without the usual starters.

Giant Man Eating Squirrels vs. Little Eskimos


Squirrel management must be sleeping alot easier these days now that the running game has finally found its way; just in time, too, since Steve Smith now has no one to throw him the ball and Brett Farve has too many receivers. The effort was enough to hold of the cold, however, and that's all that matters. The Eskimos have a two headed monster at defense but can't survive an off week from Moss and the "kiss of death" they seem to have on RB's.

Uncle Rico vs. Goin Deep

Rico sweated the bye week of Palmer/Johnson for naught. The replacements held their own against the Deep in a nail biter. Larry "I got my money" Johnson and Santonio " I stubbed my toe in warm ups" Holmes better find a comfortable place on the bench.

No time to blog....

So here's the bunny with a pancake on its head.

Now that we're all caught up...

I just want to remind everyone that I fucking hate people.
People are the worst.

They'll cut you off, steal your parking space, waste your time, get in your way, and bore the hell out of you and never lose a minute's sleep over it.
It's all about me me me.
Everyone is fucking special.




I'm fucking special.

CSI season premier

Sucked ASS! (high pitch sing song)

Sara lives. So what. She is still leaving after 5 episodes. Bitch.

Here's a guarantee:

15 years from now, Jorja Fox will be on "Where are they now?" talking about how stupid she was for leaving a top rated show over a contract dispute so she could pursue.... NOTHING!

Those who forget the past.....

But besides that it was just terrible. I've never seen a worse episode.

Was that a shark?

Super Secret Meeting with the Commish

Also so referred to Happy Hour.
At the golf coarse in Tukwila, no less.
And it was packed! Who are all these idiots hanging out at the golf coarse?!...in Tukwila!?
Whatever.

We had mini pulled pork sandwiches, potato skins, and garlic hot wings.
We didn't learn a damn thing from poor Mr. Bossett (dead guy at Eastlake Grill.)

Only because the Commish's b-day is nigh, Steve manned up and had two shots of Tequilla with us.

All three of us have issues with our FF Running Back situation. I have three very startable backs. Steve and Bruce do not.
I would laugh it up except my Wide Recievers are a bunch of cans. I've got Terrell, Lameass #1, and Lameass #2. I am so going down this week.

Off to Suburban Starbucks. Lot's of cops there. Good thing we hadn't been drinking.
I know it's just Starbucks, but they have a pumpkin muffin to die for. Seriously. I left after a few hours to let the boys catch up on obscure music trivia and politics.

FF Week 3 Wrap-up

TPE is the only undefeated team in LOIN.
This situation won't last long (interleague play starts now) but I will always have that to hold over everyone's head. That's really all that's important.

Smith- Day 2

8 a.m. start.
More fake coffee, instant oatmeal, and PB&J.

I led Bunny Face for the 4th time. I did it mostly w/o whining. This is a big deal for me.

Josh put up a nice 5.9 corner with a crazy traverse and a downclimb that Steve had to clean. Lot's of whining ensued.

Steve put up Helium Woman and Captain Zenelith. More whimpering. I actually covered my eyes for a moment. He powered through.

Shelly did not let him rest on his laurels, though, and psychobabbled him into leading Moonshine Dihedral. The best climb ever! Pure stemming for almost 100 feet.
Nice! Climbing season is officially salvaged.

Had to leave early cos Shelly was in the unusual position of having to go to work on Monday. Her and Josh packed up and took off. Steve and I bought matching pants (we are so into matching these days) at the Boulder Comp festival and headed to Bend to watch some football. Saw the Seahawks pull out a nail biter and tried to calculate our FF scores.

Steve had had the foresight to find a rec center with a pool in Bend since we got shut out in Squamish last weekend. We drove around frantically to locate it and got there just in time to get a swim in. With the exception of the Monkey Bars, Bend has an even nice set up than Squamish. A heated pool outside. We got some laps in and some hot tub time. Then found another bar and watched the late game. Terrell did not let me down. After much hemming and hawing, Steve and I halved a steak. Steak is good. Garlic steak is better.

Long drive home.

Smith- Day 1

It's been an unusually rainy summer in Seattle and the few nice stretches have been precisely timed not to coincide with many climbing trips.
This has not affected me personally at all. But Steve and Josh have been feeling persecuted.
This trip to Smith was turning into the Holy Grail. A last ditch effort to save their season. Men are so cute with their goals and whatnot.
I was excited about camping and Shelly was excited about beer.
Everyone got what they wanted on Saturday.

Josh got an 11b he's been looking at for a year now.

Whartley's Revenge. A very burley dihedral. I made Steve lead a 5.6 flake so I could get up on top to take some pics. I got a few and then my camera went dead. Way to plan ahead, Dumbass.

Steve put up a heinous 10a/b face problem, which I hated.... but it was impressive.

Shelly and I cheered. Partly cos we were proud of the guys and partly cos that meant it was time to go to Deschutes.

A brief "I forgot my ID in the tent" scare ensued. We made work around plans. False alarm. Everyone got their beer, burgers, and ribs. Had some Thai hot wings that were unbelievable. Not quite nuclear but Sue would've had to keep her distance.

Too tired for Patron shots. Big day!

Smith- The Drive Down

So by now, my PBF and I are old hands at long trips together.
No surprise that the 6+ hour drive to Terrabone went smoothly. I met Steve at his house after we both got our exercise in. I stopped on the way and purchase some adult diapers so I wouldn't have to violate the one-stop rule.
We made good time and rolled in and set up camp by 9.
Even peppy enough to run into Redmond and get some drinks and nachos at Mazatlan.
It may be a chain but they ain't scaird to put some cheese on their nachos.
Good thing we went to the trouble of going to the gym. Always just breaking even....

So Steve is basically indebted to me for the rest of his life....

And here's why.



I snagged this off ebay for $260! including shipping.
It was a 'buy it now' situation and for some reason I had left my wallet in my truck so I had to sprint down and back up 9 flights of stairs with Chuck and Gina (and anyone in my path) wondering what the fuck just happened.
But I got it and the guy lived in Issaquah and brought it to me. Sweet! Brand new, tags and warranty card still attached.

Btw... does this board look slightly familiar? It should. It fucking looks almost exactly like mine! Now we just need two long sleeve fleece shirts that say "I'm with Stupid."

FF Week 2 Wrap-up

TPE vs Corn Cob Justice

The Explosions won the only way they know how... low rent style. Posting a winning score lower than that of all three losers in other games, it was enough to get by the Justice who took a big risk on Chris Brown and paid for it. The Romo/Owens combo outscored the Manning/Harrison duo with a slightly better matchup. The San Diego D looks to have better days ahead while Reggie Brown looks for a fucking job.

Little Eskimos vs Extreme Fumbleitis

The Eskimos can afford to wait for Reggie Bush to show up while Randy Moss, Roy Williams and Rudi take up the slack. Fumbleitis got a balanced offensive team effort but fell just short with no help from the D. What the hell happened to Philly!?

Uncle Rico vs The Magpies

No one felt the pain from the Cleveland-Cinncinati shootout more than the Magpies. Strong performances by Brady, Gore, Andre, and the Viking D weren't enough to recover from the onslaught of Carson/Johnson bombs. Who needs Stephen Jackson, anyway?!

Giant Man Eating Squirrels vs Goin' Deep

The Squirrels will hopefully refrain from throwing themselves off a tall building for one more week while LaDainian finally gets a better matchup. Steve Smith was the lone bright spot in a field of mediocrity. RBBC or not, Marion Barber III is a stud and he ain't scaird to go across the goal line while Willie Paker gets the tough yards for the Deep up in Pitt.

Come on Reggie!

I'm holding a 23 point lead over Corn Cob Justice right now and I need Reggie Brown to show me why I drafted him and catch some fucking balls or Brian Westbrook to have an average night.
This could be my last win. I consistently score lower than anyone and the only reason I'm beating up on Bruce is he took a chance on Chris Brown against Indy.
Sucka!
Of course, I wouldn't be sweating this at all if I had known Braylon Edwards and Cleveland were gonna go off against Cincinnati!

This is Al and Ginger.

Al is a crazy mutherfucker we met at Smoke Bluffs.
He was free soloing (as in, no rope!) with a cigarette.
Ginger was tracking his progress.
He finally came down, smoked some more, drank a few beers, and then started up again.
We couldn't watch.
Left before something bad happened and we had to help.
He survived, though.
He was back the next day.... thankfully, with a rope.

Where is that lime?

Still reeling from the disappointing pool closure and the ensuing drowning of sorrows at Pepe & Gringo's, we managed to soldier on the next day... some of us more chipper than others.

Managed to get some good climbs in. Josh put up a short but thin thin thin 11a corner I had been dreaming since I first saw it a year and a half ago. It was sweet! Pinky locks and palming! If only it went on longer. It's called Corner of Death.

Steve put up Quarry Man again and started trying to pre-bail on leading Penny Lane. A climb he's been talking about for months and practicing fingerlocks for. Josh would have none of it and dragged him to it by the ear at the end of the day.

I have to admit, it's a little airy.
But he did it and let out a yelp that could be heard around the bluffs. As a result, some guy in Murrin fell off a 100 foot cliff and probably won't make it but at least I don't have to hear about Penny Lane anymore.

Time to celebrate.

Went to the Shady Tree and everyone got silly and stuffed.

Stole some plastic sauce cups and headed back to the campground for Patron shots!
Where is that fucking lime?! I know I brought it! (Actually, I left it in my truck.)
Not one Kellum in the group but we did ok for civilians.
Then I beat Steve at leg wrestling even though you can clearly see he's cheating by holding down my arm.

How long does it take to clean a fucking pool!?!

Seriously.

There's lots of cool things about Squamish.
1-Bizillions of nice climbing lines on granite within a five minute walk from the parking lot which is a 2 minute drive from Starbucks which is next to the good grocery store which is a five minute drive from an awesome campground. You can easily top rope or lead friction, corners, long cracks ... whatthefuckever.
2-The people in Squamish are cool.
3-The restaurants are good.
4-But the best thing ever is the rec center with a big pool and a nice hot tub that looks out onto the mountains and a diving board and a swing rope and monkey bars!
So when you're done climbing you can go there and get a shower and hot tub and take over the kids area and make a fool of yourself all before you go out to dinner and get drunk. It's really the best part of the whole day!

However. Inexplicably, this fucking pool is closed the entire fucking month of September... for cleaning.

Sigh.

Well. At least we got some good climbing in. That's what we drove up here for after all. Right?

Josh housecleaning a new heinous 11 near The Zip.



Big Brother is always watching. Sue having fun on The Flying Circus.

The Burden of Efficiency

Steve has been trying to drag a group to Squamish (his happy place) practically every weekend since late July. Weather has not cooperated. It's always beautiful during the week and rainy on the weekend. Time was running out.

The forecast for this past weekend was great until Wednesday. Then the rain was predicted to come in Sunday. Red Alert. We have to leave Thursday.... by 5:30!

Eeek! That's my long day! I don't usually get out of work until 6 or 7!
Enter Gina, Chuck, and Aida to save the day. A little luck and a lot of help from those guys and I made a hasty exit at exactly 4:35. Home by 4:50. Stuff in truck 4:55. Wendy's at 5:05 and in front of Josh and Shelly's at 5:15 on the nose! Phew. (Noone does efficiency like Cell Processing. Holla.)

Anyway. Josh, Steve, Sue, and I stuff our stuff in the new Subaru. Those things hold alot of shit! We have to be at the campground by 10:00. The efficiency must continue. But we do get a surprise stop at DQ. Cookie dough blizzard made with chocolate ice cream....mmmm!
Make it through the crossing. But we each have to tell the agent what we do for a living. WTF.

At the campground at 10:05. Nice.

FF Week 1 Wrap-up

Trailer Park Explosions vs. Giant Man Eating Squirrels

Underachievers on both sides made this a toss up early. Squirrels jumped out to a decent lead after a mortal, yet still impressive outing by LT. Things changed quickly in the second half of a the late game with a personal best performance by Romo and the usual eye-popping catches by T.O. The Explsions held the lead through Monday despite a terrible outing by Larry Fitzgerald and a good effort by McGahee.

Extreme Fumbleitis vs. Magpies

Magpies shot out to a huge lead early Sunday and never relinquished due to strong outing by Brady, Reggie Wayne, and Andre Johnson. Fumbleitis put up big numbers of its own behind a great team effort. If Brees and Maroney rebound, his next opponent will be in trouble.


Uncle Rico vs. Little Eskimos

These two teams' benches put up numbers other teams would dream of. But each had to sweat it out with the starters. Pitt's Big D had Rico worried early but couldn't overcome poor running back play when Rico's offense in the form of #85, Carson and The Edge showed up Monday.

Goin' Deep vs. Corn Cob Justice

The Deep got some Justice early and often. Peyton and Harrison set the tone Thursday and Westbrook and Javon Walker kept it coming. The Deep will have to be patient until LJ comes back to form and recievers in general pull their heads out of their collective asses!

"It's lost that parking lot feel..."

Olga- "What's wrong with people?!"
Chuck- "Where do you want me to start?"
Lori- "WHY ARE YOU KEEPING TRACK?!"
Gina- "How does this work?"
Unknown- "I'm a firefighter."
Deb- "You just sprayed that on my glasses."

Let the handwringing begin....

Sunday. Instead of hanging with the beautiful people in Napa valley, I head to the football kickoff party at Maggie and Jeff's place.
Team owners only. League of Intrigue (LOIN) and I-5 Fantasy Football League (IFFL.)

I was all proud of myself for getting up early after a night of drinking and heading to the gym. I had a great six mile run.
Picked up some chips and salad and sugar-free Mike's Hard Lemonade and head to Magnolia.
Feeling good about myself... right up until I opened one of those god awful lemonades, sat down on the deck and POP!
A fucking support beam broke right under my ass!
Everyone has to evacuate the deck. Maggie and Jeff assure me it's not my fault...probably. My cursed life continues.

The veterans of LOIN and IFFL relax and enjoy themselves sitting in the sun, periodically checking on the games and giving each other shit.
The newbies (Steve, Shelly, and I) alternate playing cool in front of our opponents and dashing to the laptops to check our scores, always lamenting our under performers.
"STOP WHINING" is the consensus amongst the vets.
Each of us have what we believe are legitimate concerns.
Two of Shelly's receivers have laid goose eggs.
Steve's bench is out performing his actives by a factor of 2.
And I have the only Chicago running back in history who can seem to get down the fucking field!

Nevermind the Seahawks crush the Bucs! (Thank God, Shaun gets that TD!)
Nevermind all the fish kabobs and pasta salad!
We're frantically doing mental arithmetic every play.
Sad.
Beyond sad, really.
Who's idea was this FF stuff, anyway?

Mercifully, T.O. and Romo rescue me from a 40 point deficit. It's now Shelly's turn to sweat.

Maggie and Jeff finally get rid of us after the late game. Still whining, btw.

That's what I'm fucking talking about!

Five serious people = one empty bottle of Patron = no pussing out!

What more is there to say?

War Nick!

Hypothetically

Shelly, Olga, Marianne, and I decided to go Huckleberry picking again on Saturday.
Sadly, Josh had already planned house projects that included Shelly.
Shelly was greatly disappointed and told me that if we went anyway, not to tell her.

So, of course, we didn't.

If we would have went, however, it would have been good.
Theoretically, Olga and I would have had to rouse Marianne from her kitten covered pillow earlier than usual.
It may have taken a few minutes of desperate searching and a near miss rollover dodging a rogue pickup but we would have gotten there unharmed and harvested about a gallon each before we pooped out and headed back.
We would have made big plans for our respective hauls and parted ways.

But none of that happened thanks to Josh!

Not Easily Deterred

Ok, this is the last time I'm going to mention the dead guy.

Massive heart attacks in our rearview, Steve, Bruce, and I keep the Friday happy hour streak alive. We do, however, revert to the safe haven of Alki. Some asshats were taking up the deck at the Boo so we settled for Coyotes.
No one died (close call between and pedestrian and a convertible) even though Steve once again refused a shot and ordered the beer. He never got it (I think this saved the pedestrian) which also saved us some dough we would have otherwise tipped our waitress. She was cute and clueless.

Fun was had by all, as usual. Not quite cocktails at Cortez in SF (which is what I had my sights on) but it'll do.

Are you ready for some football!?

Thursday night was (for those of you under a rock) the first game of the NFL season.
Indy vs. New Orleans.
Peyton hardly broke a sweat and embarrassed the Saints.
Keep your heads up boys. No shame in getting your ass handed to you by the Colts. It's happened to everybody the last few years.

Chuck and I skipped out at 4 and headed downtown to The Taproom downtown.
They have 160 beers on tap. Oh joy. For those of you who don't know, I fucking hate beer! But they also have lots and lots of flatscreens which I do like. Chuck babysat me until Steve and Bruce showed up and then he bailed to watch the slaughter on his very own Hi-Def flatscreen. Bastard.

Steve was pleased that Reggie Bush tanked (Randall has him. This turned out to be pivotal.) I was not (have him in another fantasy league.)

The Taproom gets a C.
Bad service.
So bad that they had to get us free stuff (between the shoddy service and a dead guy, we've saved at least $50 in one week!)

You Keep Dreaming

Update:

Optimism unfounded.
Chick from Pathology told Olga who told me that the guy at Eastlake Grill did, in fact, die.

Keep eating those veggies!

No News is Good News

The "King County Deaths" section of the Seattle-PI was updated today and no mention of our Eastlake Grill Medic Response Guy.
Like Steve says, I'm sure he's recovering in the hospital thanking his lucky stars and vowing to change to a healthier lifestyle! We'll be reading about him finishing a marathon next year.

You'd think witnessing a near death experience would give me a change in perspective for at least a week. Not so. I've been bitching all day and for good reason. Deb is in LION training all month and now I'm having to work! Like... all day! And someone else gave their notice yesterday so the last two weeks of September are gonna be even funner.
That's bullshit.
"Well, surely, management is on top of the staffing situation", you say.
"That shit ain't even funny", I say.

"You guys work it out amongst yourselves" - Supervisor
"Can I get your salary for making all your fucking decisions?" - Me

I'm gonna take the whole fucking month of October off. Fuck 'em.

Plus my truck sprung a leak in the power steering. That ain't good. Getting the oil changed costs $500. This is gonna be pricey.
I guess I could sell my computer to pay for it.
Actually, I'd rather hit the corners on Aurora.
Or sell plasma.

Bitch bitch bitch.

Huckleberries and a New Car

Gracie (Josh and Shelly's Subaru Legacy) decided to strand them once again Saturday evening. She's been having some intermittent technical difficulties starting lately.
Josh eventually got her started with much tinkering and seriously greasy mug, but prudence dictated we not risk a planned trip to the North Cascades to procure huckleberries. Shelly said they would explore their options and update me on Sunday.

Shelly is not one to let the grass grow underfoot, but damn, they went and bought a Subaru Outback that day! It's sweet! 2001 and looks great. So today, she and I rode up to Snoqualmie Pass to forage. A quick stop at the ranger station and we were on a mission. Found gazillions of huge huckleberries right beside the road near Windy Pass.
Picked from 9:30 to 3 and both got a couple of gallons.

Olga is busy making jam from my share and Shelly's berries will make an appearance in a pie come Thanksgiving.

SWEET!

Deal -o-Rama!

Sue and I decided to go to Ski Bonkers on Saturday. Neither of us needed a damn thing but it's a sale goddamnit! So we went and struck out. Big surprise.

Driving away, Sue suggests we just pop into the Southcenter REI. I'm not too enthused but WTF. I'll be damned if they aren't having a garage sale! Shoes 75% off and everything else 50% off. Sue must have some kind of sixth sale sense!

I got some replacement lenses for my glasses..$2!
Brand new Shimano cycling shoes...$10!
Good condition keen water shoes...$10!
A nice TNF shirt and Pirhana shirt... $6!

SCORE!

Seize the Day!

You never know when you'll be at happy hour chatting with friends and watching the Huskies pummel the Syracuse Orange (not the Orangemen, as Steve pointed out, they are now the Mighty Orange) and the next thing you know you'll be flat on your back getting CPR in front of God and everybody. You're beer belly and hairy chest out there for everyone to see. People cheering on some kid named Rankin and taking shots of Patron and guzzling IPA's while SFD Medics try to keep you from "crossing the bar."

This guy was two tables away (less than 6 feet) and we were so engrossed by our detailed discussion over who we would start and why in our FF league next week that we didn't notice he was in distress until a bunch of EMT's came in and laid him out. Befuddled as to what to do at first, Steve, Bruce, and I finally decided to change locations when they broke out the paddles. We wanted to just leave Eastlake Grill but they had already poured our next round and we didn't want to be difficult.

"You had to order a beer!" This from the Commish to Steve (PUSS!) after Bruce and I had swiftly finished our shots. Bruce felt this comment certainly cemented his special place in hell and I tend to agree. Steve did a good chug job and we peeled out of there and sought refuge at Vivace, each of us vowing to recommit ourselves to lifelong fitness. Seize the day!

Shelly Rocks

Shelly won two tickets to the Seahawks vs Raiders Pre-Season game. And I got to accompany her! It was big fun!

I've been to Quest field once before but I forgot how fucking GINORMOUS it is. It took us 20 minutes or so to climb all the switch backs on the ramp (think Cascade Pass) to get to our seats only to realize the only full service Kidd Valley was field level. Goddamnit! So we caught the freight elevator down (cos I'm fat) and loaded up (I still stink like garlic!) Got back in time for kick off, though.
Starters didn't play but it was still a fun game. Seneca ain't scared to throw it. And Nate Burleson is doing his best to earn that $7. Props to Nate but I'd really rather have Steve Hutchinson back.
Me and Shelly did our best to 'bring da noise' when we weren't stuffing our faces.

Note to Everyone: Quest stops selling alcohol the instant the second half starts, so plan accordingly (if you have the cash to buy alcohol! $8 for Bud!)

Was glad to see Daunte and Mike Williams do well but WE WON, muthafuckers!

It's done.

Thanks again to the Commish for an uber fun Draft Night!


Quote of the evening:
"We don't want to hear any of your rhetorical nonsense."
-Maggie to Steve lamenting about one of his picks.

My Picks:
QB- Jon Kina & Tony Romo
RB- Shaun Alexander, Cedric Benson, & Marshawn Lynch
WR- Terrell Owens, Larry Fitzgerald, Reggie Brown, Braylon Edwards, & Brandon Marshall
K- Josh Scobee
D- Denver

Overall, I'm happy with my picks. I really wanted Donovan McNabb and Javon Walker but waited too long on both of them. Also regretting taking Marshawn instead of Ladell Betts. Might try to remedy that. Didn't realize Terrell and Larry Fitz had the same bye week so had to get a WR with my Wild Card. Rookie mistake.
There were a few disagreements.

Surprise pick of the night: There were few eye-poppers but Javier did drop some jaws when he picked the Cincinnati Defense in middle rounds.

Besides Shelly, Steve and I, the rest of the "Team Owners" have been playing FF for years. This is their easy league and they were playing it fast and loose, I guess. I was a little stressed when I realized I would have to take bye weeks into account. Caught looking on that one!
Anyway, everyone is super cool (actually, it's hard to gage Randall over the phone, but I have admire his stick-to-itiveness.) Looking forward to much shit talking, drinking, and football!

Thanks.

To all the people who've given me advice over the last several weeks. Hope I do you proud. Special shoutouts to Bob (I have a few Eagles on my radar) and Chuck.
Draft Night is finally here and all the waiting, wondering, fretting, and hand wringing is over. I'll just have to live with my choices.
And then the great Fantasy Football Experiment begins.

Will it make the season more fun? Or will it shatter friendships forever?
New friends or enemies?

We shall see. Hope I don't have to resort to a 'Nancy Kerrigan special' down in San Diego!

Arg.

I could've gone all year without seeing this bullshit.
Being a right wing Jesus freak Bush supporter should be something you keep in the closet if you are a professional athelete. Like weird poo fetishes and your Rick Astley record collection. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!

God, I bet he's a Promise Keeper or something. Gross. And Mack, what the hell are you thinking. Does your Mom know?

Shoutout to Chuck

His people know how to fucking drink. They don't mess around when it's time to party. You show up to a Kellum residence you better be ready to throw down!

Not to be hating on anyone (I have a great group of friends) but my crew is composed of a bunch of freaking lightweights! I bring a bottle of PATRON over for a bbq at Josh's FRIDAY FUCKING NIGHT and only Josh was game. Weak, weak, weak. Holy Shit! Seriously (as Chuck would say.) Heaven forbid we get drunk and say something stupid.

I have an almost full bottle of Patron and I'm saving that shit for the next time (crossing my fingers) I get invited over to hang with the West Seattle Crew.
Word.

Sue's Bday Celebration...finally!

Sue ditched us for her recent bday.

Not easily deterred, Shelly and I plotted for weeks to try and surprise her with something.
Finally we just kidnapped her and took her to dinner. So many bdays all the freaking time, it's hard to come up with a gimmic to make it special. Last resort.... dress up. Before this, I really can't remember the last time I attempted to wear all girl clothes (although, I can't say it really came off as feminine, I kind of look like a tranny!) I even threw on some lipstick to go with my big girl shoes and new fauxhawk. Wore panties even (boxer briefs don't work under pleather.) Ok TMI.

We went to a little place up in Greenwood. Not fancy smancy but nice. The food is over-the-top good comfort food. We had a couple of bottles of wine and some antipasto. I don't know how Shelly and Josh's food was but Sue and I split seafood risotto and seasalt rosemary chicken. So full halfway through, I thought I was gonna hurl. Sue got all the leftovers cos it was her birthday... damnit!