I'm Not Paranoid - I'm the Voice of Reason.

This is Dana's Guest Blogger. I don't think this is particularly funny but Dana insisted that I post it to the world. Here goes.

It all started one morning after parking my car in the driveway. Marshall and I came back from Central Market and we had been gone for about 45 minutes, tops. I let him out of his car seat and went to the trunk to get the groceries.

That's when I saw this (photo taken after it was brought into the house):




My first thought was, "WTF is this?" and "Who planted the chipmunk right under my tailpipe area when I was away from the house for 45 minutes?". I park in the exact spot every time and I have tire indentations in the gravel to prove it. This furry animal was situated right underneath my trunk area like it was dropped from my car trunk. I swear it was not there when I left 45 minutes ago. As I stared at it lying on the ground I thought it looked familiar. I picked it up and gave it a squeeze - yes it was a squeaky toy. I've seen it's kind before at the pet store.



I started going through scenarios in my head. Perhaps someone parked here while I was gone, opened up their car door/trunk and this thing fell out. Or what if someone planted it there while I was gone and decided to sit in their car and watch my reaction. I had Chippy in my hand and as I thought this I slowly turned around to scan the parked cars across the street. They all looked familiar and I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.


Before I could dwell on the next scenario reality hit.

MAAAaaaa! Wirl! MYYY Wirl!". Marshall got a hold of the chipmunk and would not let go of it. I corrected him and told him it was a chipmunk. "No mum - wirl". Okay, it's a squirrel. Can't argue with a toddler. A new toy from the outside! A child's delight - a mother's horror.

As we went into the house I let him hold it thinking he'd forget about it after lunch. He refused to give it up and fell asleep for 2.5 hours, clutching the toy of unkown origin during the entire course of his afternoon nap.


I told Marc my story and expressed concern that there was a possibility that someone could have planted a listening device in the chipmunk and left it there, knowing that one of us would pick it up and carry it back into the house. I also informed him of the possibility that all of our conversations may be monitored. Oh by the way, in case you've forgotten, this is what the toy looks like:




Marc looked at me with a straight face and told me that I could slice Chippy open, remove the chip and we'd be all for the better. (I actually considered doing that so stop laughing Dana)

As I was telling this story to Dana, she suggested that perhaps someone was walking their dog and that the dog may have dropped it there. I dismissed that as too elementary and simplistic.

Then she suggested putting him in the microwave because that for sure would inactivate any kind of chip that could be embedded in the chipmunk. Brilliant! The girl's a genius. Marc was telling me that people do that to government-issued RF chip drivers licences that they don't want tracked. The microwaving sounded appealing because it was not invasive - I didn't want to have to sew this thing up after the surgery. In the end I declined because I noticed that his whiskers may not make it through the process. Sigh...


Then along came my solution. Bella!





As I was sitting there contemplating Chippy's fate, Bella came along and snatched him out of my hand. She ran up on the couch and started shaking the crap out of him. And she started chewing on his head. I sat there and watched her try to destroy the chipmunk and I started laughing... perhaps I won't need to microwave him after all.




Way to go Bella!