Dana- The Procrastinator

Once I get behind in something I just start pretending it doesn't exist (which I'm really good at) and then it snowballs and turns into a huge fucking project and then, and then, and then, and then.....

There's been alot going on. Alot of blogworthy goings on. I'm just fucking lazy.

Here's a quick summary of the highlights.

1-Two Sundays ago. I knew it was going to be a good day when on the way to the store, I turn on the radio and Garrison Keillor is reading "The Raven". Ah, Autumn is here. Shelly made "Barefoot Contessa's Halloween dinner for Adults". It was delish! Pork Loin and apple sauce. To show my appreciation, I kicked her ass in FF. Haha!
SWEEP!

2- The following Friday night, half of LOIN met at the West Seattle Bowl for LOIN bowling night. Javier came dressed as Johnny Cash in honor of Day of the Dead. He belted out "Folsom County Prison" at every opportunity. He's terrible at bowling but he throws it hard. Plus everyone is afraid of his FF team.

3- OYSTERFEST! Marc, Olga, Aura, and me ate ourselves silly at Elliot's annual Oyster New Year. If you like raw oysters, it's a little piece of heaven. If you don't (and alot of people fall into this unfortunate category) it's a horror show. I have a special 'I hate people' column to elaborate.

4-Following Sunday. Bruce, Steve, and I watched Indy and Seattle lose in a disappointing fashion at a dive bar with lots of TVs in West Seattle. Bad service follows us everywhere. Then Bruce had us over to his house for Sunday night football. We had cupcakes and coffee. Then I kicked his ass in FF.
SWEEP!

Shelly- Closet Egomaniac

Last night, Shelly, Bruce, Steve, and I went to Ski Fever (ski expo) to shop and get free lift tickets and swag. No significant purchases but got us excited for the season. Almost got Bruce into some skis but he does have a Mexico trip coming up and green fees every weekend (fucking golfers.)

Then we went next door to Jimmie's to get drunk. Had meat and fried vegetables and a few shots of Patron (butterfingers Bruce dropped his Cabo Wabo on the first try but shook it off and completed the next two.) At this point Shelly starts talking shit. She insists that if the situation called for it, she could kick my ass.
She is wiley she says. This wiley factor apparently figures large in her mind. Forget that I'm taller, heavier, wider, have an above average tolerance to pain and I'm prone to fits of destructive rage. You'd think that she would just let me have this one.
She's younger, prettier, smarter, etc, etc, etc....
Let me have this one. This small something. At least admit that I could hypothetically kick your ass.... which I could by the way.
Seriously.

Movie Review: Into the Wild

When I finished reading the book, I was one of those assholes that put it down and said, "What a fucking idiot!"
When the movie was over, I was one of those assholes that said, "Why are they making a movie about this fucking idiot?!"
Seriously, the only reason this is even a story is because of the bus. Without the bus you've got nothing. This idiot has to spend a few days in the wild for reals and he either dies and is never found or he turns around and goes home.
And how the fuck did that bus get there anyway? That's the story. That's what I want to know.

But a lot of people are impressed by this kid. What gives?

Your dad is a prick so you give away your money and live like a bum an do stupid stuff and quote Thoreau and suddenly you're better and smarter than everyone?
You live in a cave in Mexico for a month and you think you're tough?
He wasn't the first and won't be the last to be served a big fat piece of humble pie courtesy of the Great Northwest.

Besides arrogance and youth, his other problem is a lop sided education. He spent his time reading Thoreau, Tolstoy, and Jack London.
Where's the Bertrand Russell?! Where's the Shakespeare?!
Even the comedies will teach you the one thing you absolutely need to know.

It's not 'if' something will go wrong... it's 'when'.

Truth will not keep you warm and beauty won't satisfy hunger. Oh, and you might need a map and compass to find freedom, asshat!

It's not bad luck when a piano falls on someone's head and kills them.
They're lucky to have made it that far!
Disaster is waiting for you around the corner, you don't need bother going to find it.


All that aside... it's a good movie to see at the theater cos the scenery is spectacular.

Bowling with the Boys

Friday, Steve, Bruce, and I went to the super trendy Matador in West Seattle for some drinks and quesadillas. Tried some different silver tequillas but none as good as Patron. Moral learned: stick with what you know!

Then we walked to the not so super trendy West Seattle Bowl.

Aside: I love bowling shoes! I would wear them all the time if I could. Where do you buy bowling shoes? These even have fluourescent green stitching - same color as the highlights on Seahawks jerseys. I need these shoes.

Anyway, I didn't even really try the first game and I won. I could tell if I kept this up, it would demoralize the boys. So I progressively slacked off. Steve showed more ball handling skillz and took the last three games. The commish came in second in overall scoring and a good time was had by all.

A LOIN bowling night is in the works. Stay tuned!

Shelly-Patron Saint of Football Tickets

Shelly is the bestest.
She got cheap tickets for the Hawks vs. Rams and she is taking yours truly.
Why?
You'll have to ask her.
I'm so excited! (sing song)

We are going to sit in the rain with our burgers and garlic fries and $5 sodas and $10 beers and watch the Seahawks generously give another team their first win by not running the ball and letting Marc Bulger throw at will - thereby dooming the Hawk's season and guaranteeing my first FF loss. It's going to be great!

Extra added bonus....we're going to the gift shop to get jerseys to wear. I'm gonna get Walter Jones! Which will mean he goes down in the first with a career ending knee injury.

Then Shelly and I both get food poisoning from the burgers.

I dedicate this post to Shelly by outlining the worst possible scenario while still maintaining nervous optimism.

Two Things-

I was just reading the Seattle PI and two stories concerned me.

1- Huge windstorm on Thursday. That fucking campertop monstrosity is still next to me and still looks unstable in all the wrong places. She decorated for Halloween. Made a big spiderweb (like 6 feet across) and strung lights around her sewer hose (nice.) I'm like, Honey, spend your free time making sure that piece of shit you live in doesn't fall on mine!

2- A woman was arrested in Ohio or somewhere for swearing at her overflowing toilet. She was given a citation for cussing in her own home. An off duty cop heard her from the window and called the police! The article didn't print what she said but it couldn't be worse than the tongue lashing I gave #16 Liquid Nitrogen freezer when the lid fell on my head. Good thing my co-workers aren't prone to calling the fuzz (the was some property damage inflicted, as well.)

...

I spent 2 hours at work dispensing brown liquid from small bottles into even smaller tubes and then freezing them for future use. The rest of the time I did nothing.
That's why I make the big bucks!
Haven't had one of those unsupervised 'do nothing' days for a while (I wouldn't characterize the last several weeks as busy but I had things to do... or people were watching, one of the two.)

Just me and Olga hanging in Serology today. We caught up on our rants then extolled the virtues of Old Navy, Ebay, and L'Occitane.

Now I'm sweating out the results of my FF game. I'm done but my opponent is slowing encroaching on my slim lead with the Giants defense. It doesn't look good for the Trailer Park Explosions.
That's all I'm going to say about that cos my sister thinks I talk too much about football these days. She could be right. Maybe I should start a separate FF blog to spare those who could give a shit.

The Trailer Park Explosion page. Hmmm. I could talk about my team and also document real trailer explosions all over the country. I bet there's lots!

I'm half heartedly considering going to the gym. I don't feel like it but I am fat so...
Steve bailed on climbing tonight. That's what happens when you get into a relationship, even a pretend one. After a while, the magic fades and all of a sudden he's too tired to climb. Sigh.